Chapter One: A Way of Living (Humanstuck)
A/N:
This is going to be a multichapter Captorcest fic. The fanfiction includes incest, abuse, minor character death, Sollux without a lisp, and a clumsy and sassy as fuck Mituna. :) Thank you.
Theres actually a lot of things you could have been doing right now. Such as; Coding, or talking to Karkat, who seemed to be up at any ungodly hour, Not that it would get you very far, or it would do anything to help you. You were in far too much pain to get up and grab your laptop anyway. So you just continue to lay staring at the ceiling of your bedroom debating on your life. Youre pretty sure that if there was a chance that you hadn’t screwed up your life as you know it, it was slim to nothing.
You wish you didn’t say anything. You want to erase the look he gave you when you told him. You want to slink away into nothing and never come back. You don’t want to face your mistake. How could you have trusted such a fragile thing to be taken so well? Thats an easy question to answer, actually. You didn’t trust it. But you ignored your own warnings and slowly crumbled into nothing as you faced the fact, that he wasn’t going to accept it. He never was. He still talked to her at the kitchen table, as if somehow she was there to listen.
You groan glancing at your clock. Your body is stiff and everything hurts. The black eye that had made itself quite at home throbbed painfully so you wouldn’t forget it was there. Besides your clock, bed, laptop, and desk there was nothing to fill your room. Everything packed away into boxes sealed and labelled. Clenching your eyes shut you try not to remember why. Though the memory is still fresh in your mind burning brightly. Just like the pain in you. It was your fault. Or, at least thats what you kept telling yourself. If it was actually true or not was just not up for debate at the moment.
You sigh and curl deeper in your covers, the red lights of the clock still burned into the back of your eyelids. 1:34 AM. You were never much for sleeping. It had never come easily to you. Yet, you try anyway. You would be nothing but grumpy the next day if you didn’t.
A day after it happened it was been settled that you would stay at your fathers house. Considering your stepfather wanted nothing to do with you anymore. You think you might be okay with that. But everything else? Everything else you wanted to blame him for. But you wouldn’t. You would just glare everytime he passed by or grunted at you to let you know you weren’t worth proper words. Just a thing to eat food and take up space.
You weren’t really on the best of terms with your actual dad either. It wasn’t that you two hated each other or anything. More of the fact neither of you knew how to talk to eachother. You ended up always eating dinner over awkward yet comforting silences that choked the air, while watching Full House. Despite the awkwardness, it was nice. This of course, was before the divorce. You hadn’t seen him since. You didn’t quite look forward to the whole, “Sorry about your mother” speech. Honestly, you were 15. You would manage.
Or maybe thats just what you told yourself.
You close your eyes and bite your lip to stifle a sob.
You would manage, Sollux. You could do this.
