50 Shades Without You

Chapter 28

Ella's P.O.V

So that was that. The plan was set in motion. Oh yeah, the plan. First step, fake my suicide. Yeah, I cried writing the letter. In a way, I was dying. Step two, create my fake identity. I was Sabrina Perez. And for all anyone knew I was from France. Step three, move to France. Step four, let David continually send me money through a private bank. We are only on... step two. I bought a dark black wig, got green/blue contacts, got a new passport. All my official documents in fact. By the time I was on a jet to France everyone was just finding out that Ella Gilinsky was dead. How?

David 'rushed' to Jack's house. Banging on the door begged him to read the letter, listen to the messages. Jack did. I don't want to know how he reacted. I didn't want to hurt him. Just do what's best. But on the other hand he could be relieved. And that thought pained me even more. After being showed around to all the important people in my life it was posted on social media. As one does in this era. David told Jack he let me go after he saw how hurt I was. That he hadn't had contact in awhile. Bullshit, of course.

None of them said anything on social media about it. They were scared to. All the trash they talked and now I'm dead. They blamed themselves. I did too. Even my aunt and cousins thought I had killed myself. No one could know except the ones helping me. Tons of people were talking about how I 'deserved it' that 'everyones better off without me'. Nate finally cracked and tweeted. 'None of you know the whole story. Ella was my best friend. Keep your opinions to yourself. She's dead for fucks sake' 

Alice, the previously mentioned French friend, met me straight off the jet. I'd live with her and her family until I could move into a condo or something. Now I just wanted the best life for my baby. Jack and I's baby. Maybe I made a hasty and irrational decision, but fuck, there was no going back now. I was here and everyone thought I wasn't. I wouldn't have any social media as Sabrina. Social media finds shit out. My chest burned as I though about the fact my kid would grow up thinking I was Sabrina, and they didn't have a father. I had a little piece of Jack with me forever now and they'd never even know him.

Everything happened so quickly I barely had the time to think. I glanced at myself in the mirror as Alice's husband set my bags on my bed. I thanked him and he left. David texted me to make sure I was safe. I told him I was and then covered the mirror. That wasn't Ella looking back at me. And it never would be again. This whole thing was tearing me apart. I checked my phone one last time before I started using my new one. There was a voicemail, from Nate. 

"I hope you hear this- I hope this is all some big terrible dream. Please Ella. Tasha's a mess, we all are. I'm sorry- you don't even want to see Jack he-" 

You could tell he was crying. I stopped the message, I can't hear how Jack is handling it. But they should've cared then, not now. I turned my old phone off and shoved it in a drawer. A new life. New start. I can't help but think about my cousins. If there was just some way I could tell them without them telling others. 

The days that followed were days of mourning. Not just for the rest of the world, but for me. A piece of me was dead now. I keep thinking about Nate's message. It felt like he knew all along this was what would happen. It took about a week and a half to get me into my new condo. I took a long, long shower, and got ready. I had to at least get a feel for my neighborhood. My condo was nice- didn't feel like home yet. I had to change my style completely but David didn't care that he was buying it. He had too much money. I had a whole new wardrobe. 

So I slid on a brown button up skirt, a creme sweater, matching brown boots, and even did a full face of makeup. I still felt pretty hollow but at least I didn't look like it. I started to search for the coffee shop Jack and I went to all the time here. When I found it, it was the most like home I've felt the last month or so. It was familiar and that was all I could ask for. I ordered what I'd usually get and sat down. This was the closest I could get to Jack. I opened my phone. Not calling him right now and telling him I'm ok felt like withdrawl. I needed him. 

I found myself going there so often they knew my name and order by heart. After a few weeks, as I sat drinking my coffee, I decided to log into Alice's twitter. Just to check on everyone. They all had tweeted about some charity. I clicked on the link. Emiston Suicide Prevention Organization. Founded by Nate Maloley and Jack Gilinsky. They were trying. Just because you slap my name- Ella's name on something doesn't make it a memorial. That very instant I donated $2,000. 

Well, David did. In fact I took an extra few thousand from David every month. Got a few thank you cards that I cried over for days. But I'm getting ahead of myself, once again. The next few weeks from that day I worked on getting a job. I could just take money from David, he wouldn't care, but it felt wrong doing nothing all day. I started working at a clothing store. It was uneventful. Guys tried to get my number sometimes but I didn't want any one. Jack, of course, but I couldn't have him. Plus, the extruding belly would push people away. 

I was only about two months at this point so no one could tell yet. After a long day I returned back to my humble abode, Alice was there. "We should talk" She said empathetically. My confused look probably made the look on her face get even sadder. "What is it?' I sat down slowly. "No ones handling it very well. David's been checking up on them secretly. Jack's-" 

"You know I don't want to hear it" I said calmly. "I know you can't go back... but he's hurting" She said, looking down. "Alice, I can't do anything to change that" I huffed and got up. I wish I could but everything that happened from the moment Ella died was out of my control. I had to do this for me, for my kid.  Jack never tried to listen. I didn't need to either, no matter how much I loved him. 

(( IK IM UPDATING A LOT I JUST NEED THESE OUT THERE)))