Imperium | BTS Mafia AU (NamJoon FanFic)

The Chemist

I hadn't moved from my bed even though my body was nagging me for food. I didn't have the will to eat. NamJoon's words kept playing in my head on repeat. 

"Dumb little girl," I muttered to myself. The words felt so salty coming from my mouth, but they had less impact than NamJoon's. I could take his comments on my appearance, saying I'm not fit or I'm not his type. That didn't matter to me. However, I couldn't bare to know that he thinks that I'm dumb and incompetent and I hate myself for showing him that maybe I am stupid. Maybe I really only have the I.Q. of a mannequin. I heard quiet knocks on my door.

"Come in," I blankly stared at the wall that was in front of me. I'd become well acquainted with the baby blue paint. To my surprise, YoonGi was the one that opened the door. He quietly stepped inside and closed the door shut behind him. 

"You need to come down and eat," He awkwardly stood beside my bed. He'd never been inside of my room before, and he's never really said anything to me. It was nice to hear his voice. It was deep and raspy. His words were naturally slurred and it was calming. I looked at him and I saw the same eyes that everyone else had. He pitied me. 

"I'm not hungry," I lied. He sighed and hung his head.

"YuNa, please," He pleaded in a hushed tone, almost as if he didn't want me to hear him, "It's okay. I've made mistakes too. You're not the only one who's pissed NamJoon off." I became curious. It seemed that each of these boys have their own stories which intrigued me. It allowed me to see deep into their minds and I've never seen YoonGi do much of anything. I've often wondered what went through his mind.

"What did you do?" I observed his demeanor. He seemed relaxed, but at the same time, he had a tense aura surrounding him. 

"It was my first job, just like you. I let my emotions get the best of me and ended up hurting more people than I needed to," He slowly admitted. He rubbed his thumbs against the side-hem of his pants and bit his bottom lip. He was ashamed, just like me. "That fire that killed 20 people at Seoul National University, that was my doing," I saw the nervousness he exuded. He was crumbling before my eyes. I tried to remember which fire he was talking about and it suddenly hit me. That fire was all over the news, 24 people were trapped in a classroom and only 4 managed to get out. The rest burned completely. I remember the footage that aired on the news a few days after it happened. There were scorch marks all up the walls, some of the desks had begun to melt. There were rumors of a chemical fire, but no one was sure because of how burnt everything was. There was a large memorial for all those who died. There was gifts of alcohol and grieving parents laying down the old toys of the students who perished. I thought of all of the flowers that encased the pictures of the deceased. Most of them were white calla lilies because of their meaning of purity. My eyes became weak when I remembered the 20 single red dahlias that were laid in front of each photo. "I was only tying to get the teacher. I never wanted to kill all of those kids," He kept going and I could hear his voice faltering. This must be a very hard topic for him to talk about. 

"You don't have to keep going," I wanted him to stop, but I also wanted to know.

"No, I want you to know so you won't feel like a fool," He peered at me. A single tear fell from his left eye. Something told me that this is the first time he's cried in a long time. "I had a wife. She was the epitome of beauty. She was a tall, youthful woman. She's the only woman that could make me smile as bright as I did. I knew she was the only one for me the first time I laid eyes on her. She had a sharp sense in music taste and a keen eye for literature. She was an artsy nerd and I loved that about her. She'd dance around the apartment we shared in one of my old t-shirts and she would sing as loud as she could. God, she was so annoying," YoonGi reminisced with a small, sorrowful smile. "She'd always have her nose stuck in a book or a movie playing on the T.V. that she'd fully immerse herself in; she was the highlight of my life. She worked with me at the university. I was the chemistry T.A. and she worked in the creative writing department."