I have always found it difficult to digest that. But today as I sit here outside the maternity ward in this hospital, I have no one but to thank for what he has done in my life. I had just been informed that my daughter delivered a young healthy boy weighing 3.7kgs.
You might be thinking what this has to do with the fact ‘love is blind’
To understand that one should go through what I have been through in my life. I hailed from a Catholic family settled at New York. My father was in the military and that’s how I met my husband. He is from the south of United States, Arizona. Though our marriage was much opposed in his family it happened. He has always been careful not to hurt me or to let anyone hurt me. Of course God does not let good people suffer much in life. So did my husband. He might have been one of the God’s closest people in earth because he left us after giving me my 3rd daughter Jenny.
Life was hard after that, but it was his love and the symbol of love (our 3 kids) that made me pull on in life. Often I have thought of quitting life but when the moment comes I had someone telling me from inside, this is not what he wants and once when I had nearly taken the decision of poisoning my kids my myself my 2nd daughter was standing behind me asking me, ‘will dad send his angel to save us?’ she was just 7 that time and that night I decided; no I would never do that again. No matter what I had to face in life I would never think of taking the life of my kids and myself.
Since our marriage was not with the consent of his family, we never got any help from them. In fact I wished if they would not hurt us even if they did not extend any help. I had to face all the troubles of what a middle aged widow had to face. Financial problems, insecure feeling and most of all the fear of local men who thought they would be of help for this widow deprived of manly pleasure. There are nights I slept with my 3 kids hugging me as I sat between them. Well, there used to be time when I used to wonder if there is God. What did my kids do to go through all this?
My family forced me to marry again as I was not that old, but I could not see anyone in his place. He might have been with me just for a few years but he gave me the love anyone could get in a life’s time. So my refusal of that idea left me all alone in this world with my 3 kids. Well, I got some help from the woman’s association and that was a lot of relief. I was able to get a job, put my kids to school and things were somewhat ok. My kids knew their mother was not rich so they always used to stay by my side and we were happy and made up a small heaven in the little rented house we lived in. Nevertheless I had a feeling in my heart that something bad was going to happen. I used to pray to God to protect my kids from all sorts of danger. I was worried about my eldest child, my son as he was getting into teen years of his life. I was very careful with him and used to keep an eye on him as much as I could. I was happy that I could keep him from unwanted company and kept him close to me as he was my hope…
As it is known when you take additional care of something, something else runs out of control and that happened in my life. A nightmare that was worse than anyone could ever imagine. Julia, my second daughter did not return from the school one evening. I did not know what to do, she was just 13 and where could she be? She was the strongest of the 3 kids and I waited till it started getting dark. All sorts of things went through my mind and I could do nothing but pray to God that nothing might happen to her. I ran to my husband’s family house which was not so far away and the response I got was; ‘go complain to the police she might have run away with someone like you did. Like mother like daughter’. I screamed at the top of my voice asking and begging for help but they shut the door on my face. I went to the police station and made the complaint but there too I could stand their unwanted questions. How could a girl of 13 years decide to run away? She was scared to get out of the house once it was evening and how can she think if leaving me? I knew my child was in some trouble. I went to the school and it was all locked out and finally I had to return home because my other kids were at neighbor’s house.
