Oneshots *Kellic* *Cashby* *Perrentes*

Fellas, is it gay to have a boyfriend? (Cashby)

*TW: Smut

Alan's POV

I can't believe it's already been five years since Austin left the band. I miss him every day, but at the same time I'm just glad he's alive and well, because in the end that's what matter to me most.

It wasn't always that way, though. When he had first left, I was so angry. Not particularly at him, but everything that had to do with him. I had been such a dick, I didn't talk to him for a very long time, maybe sending out a few tweets every now and then.

It got me thinking; how could such an amazing friendship, one that I undeniably wanted to turn into something more, end so abruptly? I'd blamed Austin for the lack of communication, but in all honesty it's my fault.

For the times he was allowed to have his phone in the hospital, he texted me, telling me he missed me everyday and that he hopes I'm doing well. I never responded because my sensitive ass had hurt feelings. After a while he just stopped trying, and it's all because I decided to be a petty little bitch.

Sometimes I'll stalk his Twitter and see all the stuff he posts, and I know some of the other guys do too because I hear them talking trash when they think I'm not listening. I may not be religious like Austin, but I respect his beliefs. I don't know what the guys were on about when they told him not to incorporate religious stuff in the songs when we were writing our latest album. We've always had references to God and to the bible in our songs, so I don't know why they're suddenly being like this. It's nothing new.

We've released two new albums without him. That's two too many, for me anyways. Don't get me wrong, Aaron is good, but there was just something in Austin's voice when he screamed that just put so much emotion into the song. Not that Aaron doesn't have emotion, it's just with everything Austin had gone through with Marfan's and losing his mom, his voice held pure emotion. It's like when he screamed, you could feel his suffering and you could tell he understood what true pain feels like.

I'll never forget listening to Second and Sebring for the first time. Watching the video and watching Austin pour everything he had into that song made me fall in love with him even more.

I was recently stalking his Twitter and saw that he's coming to the US, more specificity California to meet some fans. The meet up is tomorrow at 11:00 AM, and I'm still contemplating whether or not I should go.

I want to, but I don't know how he'd react. I mean, it's been 5 years since I spoke to him. He's probably angry with me, I know I would be if I were in his position.

Truth is, I was scared to contact him. Because I was afraid that all of my feelings for him would come rushing back. I later realized that that's simply impossible because they never left in the first place. I had fallen in love with him a while ago, but I didn't realize it until it was too late.

The only one who really knows how I feel about Austin is Tino. He was the one who was there for me when Austin had to leave the band. I just wish I had acted better towards him and didn't ignore him for something that wasn't his fault.

After years of going through girlfriend after girlfriend, I realized that my problem is that none of them are Austin. None of them make me feel the way he made me feel when I was around him, even though we were never together.

What are the chances of him forgiving me for being so childish, though? Maybe if I bring Nugget he'll be more open to my apology.

I'm brought back from my thoughts when I hear my phone ring and look to see who it is. Tino.

"Hey dude, did you hear about Austin's meetup tomorrow?" He asks as soon as I pick up.