I stare at the computer as he smiles. I try and build up the courage to not break down crying in the middle of school. I quickly shut my Mac and stare at the beige library wall in front of me until the tears are not threatening to spill over and stand.
"Nicole? Are you Ok?" Mrs. Timpson asked.
"Ye... Yea. Can I go to the nurse? Not feelin to good..."
"Sure honey... You look pale..."
I thank her and run up to the clinic. The nurse looks up from a clipboard and I ask if I could go home. She nods saying I don't look to well and I walk back out of the office. You see, the reason I'm breaking down is because I have a suck ass life. I have panic attacks, I'm anorexic, and sometimes if its really bad I self-harm. But the man through the computer screen, Alfie, is my savior. He stopped most of it, and this is my first panic attack in a long time. In the library, what triggered the sudden attack was the fact that I live right next to him... Yep. And yet I never have the nerve to walk over there and say Hi. I always try to build it up, but it comes crashing down. I stumble to the bench outside of my house and curl up in a ball, my chest heaving and my heart beating. I feel a hand on my shoulder but I just sit there, waiting for the attack to calm down. 25 minutes later I finally slow my heart to normal, and I peek through my fingers to see Alfie, staring at me intently.
"Are you Ok?" He asked.
I sit up, but my heart starts beating fast again. I shake my head no and all sound is drowned out from the sound of my heart. He picked me up and sprints into his house, while I'm trying to get air into my lungs. He lies me down on a couch and a blond, Caspar, runs in.
"WHO THE FUCK IS THIS ALFIE?" He screams.
"Please... Stop screaming..." I choke out.
I close my eyes and follow the steps my therapist told me to. In through the nose, out the mouth. I do that ten times, and open my eyes again. Slowly sitting up, I swing my legs over the side of the brown leather couch. Caspar runs in with a bottle of water and hands it to me. I take it, taking slow, small sips. When my throat is no longer dry, I stand.
"Umm... Thanks... I'll be going now..." I whisper.
"Are you sure? I think you should stay sitting down. I don't want this to happen when you are alone..." He slowly pushes me back down on the couch.
"Alfie... I'm fine... I..."
"Nope. You are staying right here. Ok Nicole?"
"How do you know my name?"
"I got your mail by accident..."
"Oh..."
I lay back down. Someone pulls a blanket over me, and I cuddle into it. I shut my eyes. And darkness pulls me into its evil realm.
