Death Grip

Memories

Reaching out to grab the light, her hand grasped for something. 

Anything.

The white was blinding.

Things scarcely reached her in the darkness for a long time.

And yet- there, in her dreamlike state, one thing solidified her in the randomness of nothing that overwhelmed her senses.

Memories.

Clear as day, rapid fire as her memories came and slammed into her like a speeding train-wreck.

Thanksgiving day with food galore. A smorgasbord of smells flooding her nostrils with sights only to be seen on commercials. The overwhelming sense of hope , mystery, and love on Christmas day as she flung herself down the star stairs to shred open presents.  Hurt, sadness, frustration, and anger when her boyfriend left her.

Joy that overcame her when she held her tiny, flailing and crying daughter in her arms.

All of it- emotions raging like the wild and untamed sea, filled with every emotion contained in that one moment. Pain stabbing her in her chest that allowed her to feel everything at once.

And it was beautiful.

With effort, she lifted herself off the couch. Her knees almost collapsed underneath her weight, but quickly grabbed the side table to stabilize herself.

The white light didn't overwhelm her anymore like it used to.

It was better than the previous darkness that threatened to swallow her whole.

Walking out onto the balcony of her room, the sounds of the city came into her vision and filled her senses. Distant smells of dinner and the lights beginning to pop up all over in the skyscrapers that dotted the dramatic dusk skyline. A gust of breeze whipped her hair at her face and made her stumble backwards. 

She laughed. 

Smiling and spreading her arms, she opened up to meet the last rays of sun.

The absolute nothingness scared her, hiding in black. Unable to feel anything when emotions had come to her easily when she was a child-

But now? Stress no longer clamped around her heart in a menacing death-grip.

Just freedom.

Freedom at last.