The Cow Maiden

Chapter 1: The world is your haystack

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young cow maiden who went by the name Picole Cheuk Man Chan. 

The whole village was enraptured by her glorious beauty, for her hair was as black as a raven's beak and her skin was as sun-kissed as the sun itself. She was so hot that whoever she touched immediately got third degree burns and required immediate medical attention. Her black and white spots resembled a friscian of the best bloodline. Many mediocre men asked for her hand in marriage, but Picole Cheuk Man Chan was way out of their league, so she always turned them down with a pat on their head. 

Of course they ran out crying, but Picole Cheuk Man Chan didn't care, because she hated men who excreted fluids from their eyeballs. She found it unworthy of her attention. Her dream was to leave her manure filled cow farm and go into the big leagues: the cow castle. 

Now, many a person had told her that such a cow castle did not exist, but Picole was a dreamer. She knew that it was real, for a fairy Cowcess had visited her as a child to inform her of its existence. She had worked her whole life into saving enough cowpats to afford a travelling cow to leave her village of Lowcowville. On her 4.20th birthday, she received a large amount of cowpats from a secret admirer from her village. But Picole Pheuk Man Phan being the smart little maiden she is, knew who the secret admirer is: the one and only Milky Bombton - the Lowcowville's mayor's son. 

Milky Bombton was notorious for having an overly yellow snout and a disgusting looking bellybutton that had no resemblance to an udder whatsoever - this was the highest signs of true ugliness. Picole Cheuk Man Chan refused his hand in marriage so often, that he has a special jar where he collects the tears he has cried by Picole as a momentum. With the new found money, she finally had the chance to leave her muck town. The castle was in Highcowville, so Picole needed to get really high to get there. So, she brought lots of grass with her.