Fucking Black Love (Marilyn Manson Fan-Fic)

Gone

//Victoria's p.o.v.://

*ONE WEEK LATER*

Today it was Brain's funeral. Another really sad day for me. Brian's body will buried so I'm never gonna see his body again. I am never gonna see his face again. I am never gonna touch him again. I only can think of him then. And my baby is never gonna meet him or see him. Everything is so bad... Why did he have to die?! He didn't deserve it. He was only a little creepy boy but... He was so sweet. It was good that he was creepy. He was special. He sticked out. That was very good... I think the future will be very hard without him... Without his love... Only with the thought he was there once.

We were on the cemetery. Many relatives and friends of Brian's parents were there. They all knew the sad message from Brian's parents and they were really shocked about that because they didn't expect it. But Brian's parents didn't tell them that I was pregnant. I told them I wanted to say it when I hold of the speeches for Brian. But Jeordie, Cassandra and Ivy were there too. I was really happy about that because I didn't know all the other people so I didn't wanna talk with them. But actually I didn't care about the people. I always looked at the coffin. I wish I could open it and could lay with Brian in it. I wanna die with him together. We are...like a brain or something. You only can live with the two halfs and not only with one. But sadly... I have to see how the coffin is gonna be buried in a few minutes.
"Hey bestie. How are you?" Ah, it was Jeordie. I embraced him:"Well, what do you think? I am not really happy." I got tears in my eyes. I don't want that this whole shit is true. "You miss him very much, right?" He asked. "Yes..." Some tears fell from my cheek. "I feel you. I miss him, too." Jeordie stroke my back. "Thank you that you're there for me." I said. I am so happy that Jeordie is my friend. He is one of the nicest persons I know. "Like I said I am always there for you. But you must promise me something." He said. "And that's what?" I asked. "Do what Brian said. Be happy. I know it's hard but... You know you are pregnant. You are going to have a baby. His baby! You can tell your child how great or funny he was. Tell your baby all the positive things. And always think of one thing. Brian will always be in your heart and he is never going to get out of it, okay?" I had to smile. Jeordie was sweet with trying to encourage me. He really is a good friend.
I saw Cassandra and Ivy came to us. "Hey... I am so sorry... That's so horrible..." Cassandra embraced me, too." "Yes it is..." I meant and took a deep breath. "If you wanna talk we are always there for you." Ivy put her hand on my shoulder. "Thank you. Thanks you for everything you've done to me." I said. "No problem." Ivy smiled at me. "But I can tell you I am never gonna be happy again... The thing what happened is like a big scar on my body or the blade which destroyed my happiness." I meant. "I know how you feel but...after a few years you will maybe see it a bit different. I mean, now it's a shock of course but in a few years... Maybe you will only think about the good things." Cassandra said. "But that wouldn't change a thing that I am gonna miss him." I meant. "Of course not but it would be good you are ready for a new start. Maybe that will distract you from the sadness." Ivy meant. "I don't know... Maybe I could try it one time.." But I knew that I couldn't try it. Brian was the only one for me who I wanted and now...he is gone. I only wanna have Brian and no one else. Only he was the perfect one for me. There is no one who is better or as perfect as Brian. Brian was ordinary...and no one can copy him.

Now it was time to hold speeches. Oh no... I hate that. That makes me even more sad because I must think of Brian. But his mother said I can hold a speech, too. That good because then I am gonna tell everyone there I am pregnant. I am gonna tell them my opinion about Brian. I am gonna tell them all good things that happened to me with him.
First there were many relatives and his parents who told about his past. I think he was a little cute boy from what I heard. When he was a little boy he smiled and laughed very much. So cute.
And then there was the moment where it was my turn. Anyway it was very hard for me when I walked to the little microphone which was in front of all the others. I thought more and more about Brian. When I looked at the others they were quiet. That was good. And then I began to speak:"So...uhm... Actually I don't really know where I should start. There are so many things I could tell you but... I think I begin with the day I got to know him. The first contact we had in the 'detention' room. I was very shy at that moment and I didn't know what I should do but... Brian told me I could trust him and it was good that I did it. We went to a small room and made a bit small talk about horror and sports and such like that. And there he told me he was...ordinary I would say. I must confess I didn't know what he meant so I asked him whether he was sick." The relatives giggled a bit. I had to smile but I kept talking:"But he explained what he meant with it. He told me he had 'aggression-problems' and later I knew what he meant but it was okay for me because I am not perfect, either. And on the same day and the following days I got to know... I would say... The real Brian so I mean how he really was. On the one hand he was a cute litte boy whose look is different than the others and on the other hand there was... There was the exactly opposite of him. But he always cared for me. First like a big brother than as a boyfriend although there were... Some special and strange things. And... I mean, okay, there was a time where we went seperate ways but I would say it was good for our relationship because... I don't know how I can explain it. I had the feeling we were closer. But that was good. We had 'rules' but that weren't serious rules. We only had them for safing our relationship...that bad things can't happen again, you know... Well and then... The day came where we had an accident and the doctors found out he had an aneurysm. It was one of the worst days in my life and the following days weren't better. I always waited that he wakes up until he did it. And from the day where he woke up I visited him everyday until he died while he kissed me....and after he died and I went to his house for helping his parent I found out I am pregnant." The relatives sounded they were very surprised because they didn't expect it. But I kept talking:"Yes, I was surprised like you now but I can tell you something. I don't wanna abort this child. I stay pregnant. For Brian, for you and for me. In my opinion this child is the only real memory to him... I know all that won't be easy but I am gonna try my best. For everyone." I went down to my place again. Everyone applauded. I think they convinced from me or something. But that was good. I think now they really know that Brian was like a hero or like a superstar.
Now everyone drove Brian's old house for the dinner. But I stood in front of the grave. I couldn't believe everything happened so fast. That he is gone now... "Victoria, please come! We wanna drive home!" Brian's mother screamed to me. "Yes I am coming! Only two minutes!" I looked at the grave.