The Trouble With Love (SHOEY Fanfic) DISCONTINUED

Still Into You (Chapter 8)

After laying around all day, I was bored as fuck.

I had watched several episodes of anime, played HungerCraft with Stacy numerous times, and I even finished a Vlog.

Sawyer didn't want me moving around too much today so my 'wounds' would heal.

Right now I'm sitting at my computer desk, uploading my Vlog. I had finished editing, and was scrolling through all my old vlogs while today's uploaded.

I had decided I would put in the montage from last night. I looked pretty out of it... I feel a lot better now than yesterday. The loopy medicine didn't help much.

I waited for YouTube to load. This is gonna take a while.

Irritated, I scrolled through my old vlogs.

I first noticed a Vlog I had put up a few years ago, when I had my emo hair. This was one of my first videos, back when I started getting into Youtube.

My heart was racing as I clicked on the video.

I remember this video. He was in it

I remember filming it with him.

The video finished buffering and started to play.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I looked into the camera lens and sighed.

"Why am I doing this again??"

"Because it will be fun! I made a few videos the other day. It's no big deal. Just talk about something that interests you."

I looked up at the scrawny boy from where i was sitting and groaned.

"I don't have any interests."

He rolled his eyes and picked up my notebook, which I quickly grabbed from his small hands.

"Don't touch." He smirked and put his hand on his hip sassily.

"See? Interest. You could talk about your drawings."

"But I'd feel like an idiot talking to myself."

He took a seat next to me on the bed.

"Let's film it together then, shall we?"

I nodded, exasperated by this smart-ass of a guy.

He reached over and hit record on the camera.

"Hey guys! So today I'm joined with my friend Joey Graceffa, and he has with him, his notebook filled with million-dollar drawings!"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"I'm not that good..."

"'Not that good' my ass!!!" He screeched.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I watched the video until the end.

When it finished, I just say there thinking.

I was so mean to him... He treated me like his best friend and better.

Why didn't I see that...? I could have fixed everything.

He would still be here.

I shook my head and shivered. Stop it. You can't change the past.

Sawyer walked in and I quickly scrolled to another video, which lucky for me, was one of my Shoey vlogs.

"Are you still obsessed with Shane?? I thought you were just crazy from your meds."

I looked up and blushed.

"Sawyer... It's not what you think... I was just skimming through old videos."

He smirked and rolled his eyes.

"Mhmm. Yeah right. Sure i believe you. You were making googly eyes at that son of a bitch."

"Sawyyyyerrr!"

"Joeyyyyy!"

I got up but Sawyer pushed me back down.

"No sir, you must restrain from moving, or your cuts won't heal."

"Don't give a fuck..." I sing-songed.

"Wow... You must have run out of fucks with no refills." He shot back.

"Yep." Was my only reply. I was tired of this. I just wanted to sleep, maybe forever.

I had lost whatever hope and drive I had before Shane had sex with me. Is this what losing your virginity feels like?

Sawyer rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen to make lunch.

I got up from my chair and walked to my room. I laid down with a flop and stared at the duve.

I need to sort out my life.

I feel lost.

I suddenly had a thought. If only I could remember where I put it...

I got up and dug through my drawers. Under my bed, in my closet... Wait! There it is...

I haven't seen this in a long time.

My sketchbook, filled with drawings and story lines. I think the last time I had used this was about two years ago.

I sat back down on my bed and brushed my fingers along the cover which read 'Composition- Joey Graceffa- 2009-present'

I opened the tattered notebook, and on the first page was a sketch of a boy.

My boy.

It was only a pencil sketch, but I was pretty good when I used pencils.

I could see the bouncy curls of his hair, the shine in his eyes, the light splatter of freckles, and the small smirk on his red lips. He was beautiful. A small piece of perfection.

I flipped to the next page.

It was covered in angry strokes of the pencil, ripping the paper in some places. It just looked like a big hair ball of some sort.

The page next to it was of an angel. He looked like a regular guy. He was dressed in converse, a hoodie, and ripped jeans, except he had magnificent wings and a halo. He was sitting against a graffitied wall in a city.

I skimmed through the pages, the sketches varying from beauty to anger. I stopped drawing halfway through the book.

Just, no more marks from a pencil from this page on.

The last page I had written on, was a suicide note. My suicide note.

I stared at the paper, willing myself to read it. Tears formed in my eyes as the pain I felt while writing this filled my body.

The desperation. I needed out.

Tears fell down my face and I curled up into my pillow, staring at the title of the paper.

'Joey's Goodbye'

I glanced at a tiny color near the 'G' in Goodbye. It was a small red splotch.

I quickly slammed the book shut and threw it across my room.

That didn't help at all.

---AN---

Okay so crappy chapter. This was kind of a filler. But it gets better. ;) I have stuff to do today so it was kinda short. I finish school tomorrow HA are you jelly??? ^.^ But hope you guys have a great Thursday! Keep your head up! The weekend (and summer!) is almost here!! :D

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& I will love you forever! <3

~Karrie