The Trouble With Love (SHOEY Fanfic) DISCONTINUED

Lovesick Boy (Chapter 9)

It has been more than two months since I last saw Shane.

This was driving me crazy.

Every day I would stare out my window, wondering what has been running through his mind. Has he forgotten about me? About us?

Im hoping he was doing okay.

I know he's alive because before I go to sleep, after everyone else is in bed, I would watch Shane's latest video. It calmed me to hear his voice before I went to sleep.

I still made vlogs, but I was a bit quieter than usual, and people seemed to be noticing.

Comments on my vlogs are like-

"Joey! R u okay? R u sick?"

And-

"Joey u look sad. Need a hug?"

It made me realize how horrible I've been feeling and treating myself lately. I haven't eaten as much as I usually do. I haven't really quiffed my hair in a while, so it looks kinda scruffy. I don't even work out anymore.

Izzy and Sawyer have been exchanging glances a lot, and they won't stop asking if I'm okay. Which time and time again, I've said 'I'm fine'.

Which, really, that's all I really want to be.

Fine.

I just need a goal or something to keep me going. I'm trying to have 'taking care of Izzy' my main goal, but it's kinda hard when she won't trust me.

She thinks that because I still love Shane, I'll end up a monster like he is. That I would start abusing her.

I could never hurt her though. I can't hurt anyone I love.

Izzy and I fight a lot. It's mainly because she knows I'm depressed over Shane. And she still hates his guts. I don't blame her at all.

He messed me up so bad. He hurt Izzy and I. I should still be furious.

But I'm not.

No matter how hard I try, I still catch myself thinking about him. Not in the angry way.

I admit, I have had a few wet dreams about him. Izzy doesn't need to know about that.

But Izzy can tell when I'm thinking about him, and it really pisses her off...

I looked up when I heard my name being called. I had been lost in thought, yet again.

"Joey! You need to get over Shane. Come on. Go take a shower, get dressed, and eat some food. Sawyer wants to go to the gym with you." Izzy hissed.

I sighed and got up. Might as well. I have nothing better to do today.

I got my gym clothes out and walked to the bathroom, feeling Izzy's eyes burn a hole through my back.

I need to get over Shane for her.

*************

We had just gotten home around 8, covered in sweat.

Sawyer and Izzy were still watching me like a hawk. All during workout, my mind focused on the goals at hand.

It seemed to help me a bit. Exercise has kinda been a distraction for me over the years.

It was a distraction from my grief, anxiety attacks, and depression. Anytime I felt an overwhelming emotion, I would get it out through exercise.

For once, I didn't think about Shane. And it felt good.

I went to my room to change, when I noticed my notebook on the floor, against the wall.

I sighed and ignored the desire to open it. I can't keep letting that drag me down.

My head snapped up as I heard a scream.

I fell to my knees crying. The scream was getting louder... Louder... Then I heard a crash, and the scream was silenced. I know that scream...? Who...?

I sat up straight in bed, crying and breathing heavy. I brushed my hair aside my sweaty forehead. Thank god that was just a dream...

I blinked, and the memory abruptly ended. It was all in my mind... No one was screaming.

I walked out of my room, fully dressed. Sawyer was sitting at the table with a shot of vodka, and Izzy was sprawled out on the couch playing Hitch.

Maybe I could take a few shots. Maybe it will make me forget about Shane completely. Just for the time being...

"Hey Sawyer... Can you pour me a shot?" He looked up at me surprised.

"Joey..? Are you sure?"

What is his problem? I can't have a few shots sometimes?

I nodded and he poured me a shot. I sat down next to him and took it. It smelled strong... I sure hope it is...

Sawyer was looking slightly tipsy after his fifth shot.

I have no clue how I was keeping up with him. I rarely drink, and he has one drinking night a week. Sometimes he invites Tyler or one of his other friends over, sometimes he's on his own.

After my seventh shot, I was quite wasted.

"Sawyer... Ya know w-what? F-fuck this. I'm sick of your d-damn vodka."

I stand up to go to my room, but nausea overtook me. I stumbled to the bathroom and puked the entire contents of my stomach.

I could hear Izzy groan from the living room. She walked into the bathroom and got me a towel, which I gladly took and wiped my mouth.

I still felt nauseous, so I stayed hanging onto the toilet. Izzy kneeled down and wrapped her arms around me.

"Joey... You are really something, you know..."

"Something l-like Katniss Ever-green..?"

She laughed and patted my shoulder.

"Maybe."

************

I woke up with the toilet in my face and a splitting headache.

Great.

I slowly climb to my feet and get an Advil from the medicine cabinet. All i could think of was Shane's laugh. I don't care if Izzy notices. Today is going to be an interesting day.

I look in the mirror and sigh.

I will get him. I will make Shane Dawson mine. But first, I have to win him back.