Nothing to lose

Chapter 1

I'm sitting in my room like always, just scrolling through Instagram and listening to music.

A song comes on and I recognize it immediately as "sometimes I want 2 die" by Blackbear.

I lay back and smile, listening to the chorus, my favorite part of the song.

Sometimes I wanna die
I don't care if it's sad, I want to die
Take all my money out the ATM and start a little bonfire
Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn all night
And if I die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take
Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn, let it burn all night
And if I die before I wake up
I pray to God there's whiskey and a chaser

"Amen to that, Blackbear" I murmur to myself before sitting up to check my phone.

I see that Jaden texted me. A small smile forms on my lips seeing my best friends name.

Jaden-"hey bitch, what are you doing?"

I look up and sigh at my empty house due to my dad working. I know I should get out of here before he gets back.

Zara-"nothing right now, what's up?"

Jaden-"good, I want you to come over here for a while and I figured you would need a place to crash tonight"

I sigh in thanks at her understanding of my particular situation.

Zara-"thanks I'll be over in a bit let me just grab some stuff and my school bag for tomorrow"

Jaden-"okay see ya soon babe"

I smile and feel a weight lift off my chest knowing that I'll be with her tonight and out of my house.

I grab some clothes for tomorrow and my school backpack and set them by my door before going to my closet to figure out what to wear right now, instead of the sweat pants and tank top I'm wearing.

I grab a black crop top and some white washed, high wasted shorts, and my black combat boots. I put on some makeup and then lightly brush through my long maroon-brown hair before throwing my hair brush and makeup in my bag as well.

I walk downstairs, grab my keys and head to my big black truck. I throw my backpack and bag into the passenger seat and am about to get in when I realize I'm missing something.

"Fuck, I forgot my damn phone" I curse to myself and slam the door before running back inside.

I walk into my room and grab my phone off my bed and stick it in my pocket then walk down stairs only to stop dead in my tracks.

I must not have heard the front door open because standing in front of me is my father, taking off his coat and boots. He turns toward me and scowls, his brows knitted together.

I swallow and take a deep breath. I start walking down the stairs and go to walk by him when suddenly he grabs my wrist tightly and yanks me so I'm looking at him.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He almost shouts at me and I flinch a little at the sudden outburst and his grip.

"I..i..was gonna go to Jadens house" I weakly manage to stutter out while looking at my feet.

He grabs some of my hair and yanks my head so I'm looking at him in the eyes "you're so fucking stupid that you can't even look at me in the eye, how many times do I have to teach you to show some respect, bitch?!" He yells, his eyes narrowed

"I'm sorr..rry sir. I..I didn't mean to be disrespectful..." I meekly choke out, his grip on my hair and wrist hurting. All I can think is why couldn't I have just stayed in my car?

"Did you even clean the house? Did you do your schoolwork? Are you completely useless?" He spits out venomously, wanting every word to cut like a knife.

"I made you dinner, it's in the f..fridge" I say in hopes that it will make him less angry so I can just get out of this house.

"So the bitch can actually do something. You still disrespected me and I can't just let you go like that" he growls out.

I flinch and brace myself for the inevitable. He brings his knee up to my stomach hard and I keel over slightly in pain as I feel a strong hand land on my cheek as well.

He grabs the top of my shirt in a fist and throws me to the ground like a discarded doll. I just lay there, holding back tears, eyes closed and waiting for more pain.

"Never disrespect me again you fucking cunt" he says with pure hatred.

I open my eyes a couple minutes later to see him walking away towards the kitchen. I slowly start to stand and immediately feel the intense pain in my stomach and I have to steady myself on the door.

I brush myself off and manage to push through the pain enough to get out the door and into my truck before he can change his mind about letting me off so easily.

I sit back and breathe heavily. I scream at nothingness and punch my steering wheel "why me! What did I do to deserve this!?"

I collect myself a little and turn the radio up loud to some heavy metal and try and forget. I get out my makeup to conceal the bruise starting to form on my cheek and then grab some pain meds.

I start driving off toward jaden's house. My good mood totally evaporated like it was never there.