It's not *ugh* \:(

1. Previously on HUH??? aka how I got started that you don't know about.

I used to struggle with anger management and anxiety a lot. It was due mostly to me being on the spectrum.
It's really strange...
Sometimes I love my autism...
Other times I want it gone even after I die...
So I was delayed in finding something that worked for my symptoms.
I tried PMR.
Temporary.
Tried deep breathing from the start...
Just no.
So it's kinda strange that I take a breather every now and then,
Hey...I've changed.

I felt lost by the time freshman summer break started,
All summer
All I wanted was to feel better.
It didn't happen until August when I actually found what's right for me.
I downloaded the app Headspace,
Having no clue on how they interpreted meditation,
Or what was going to happen.
Would I  like the experience...
Or would I go back to square one?

Hoping it would work, I went through the registration and began the first session.

I was amazed by what happened.
So basically they had you watch a "animation" in how to get started.
Then came the real test...
Praying it would help,
I hit play.
And I burst out laughing, to my surprise.

At first, I didn't hear a word the guy was saying.
Apparently he said his name, but I was too busy trying to adjust to his British accent.
I don't hear accents that often.
Whoops. 😂
So I had to start over,
I REALLY wanted to know.
So I tried rewinding it, but it only fastfowared the session.
Omg!
Once I got it working, I kept my mouth shut, and I heard the name that would forever change my life.

Andy.

No last name, but I would find out soon enough.

He babbled on and on about experience for quite sometime,
And I was thankful that he stopped after 2 minutes.
Seriously!
I appreciate the fact that I'm getting some insight,
But what if that's a bad thing?

So. Many. Questions!
Ugh.
Am I SUPPOSED to have experience?
Then I got my answer.
I stopped talking to myself and heard him say "it's ok if you've never done anything like this before."
Thank GOD!
For a second, I thought I had made the worst mistake of my life.
Phew!

Now it got quiet for a few seconds, and then he said we were gonna begin.
His introduction took up like half of the session!
To each his own. But personally I think it shouldn't take up valuable time.
Not judging. Just my opinion. That's all folks!
Sorry, Andy.

So then he was all like, "Make sure your sitting comfortably."
And I'm like, WHOOPS!
I was laying down for crying out loud!
Was I NOT watching the video?
Uuuuuuugh.
I've got a LOT to learn.

And finally, we began.
Two hours later!

Ok not really.
Still!

So the first thing I was asked to do was to take 3 to 5 deep breaths.
Done in seconds.
But it was strange when he asked to keep your eyes open.
What the heck?!
But then it all made sense.
You only closed your eyes when you exhaled in the last breath.
And then he was all like,
"Feel the weight of your body press down."
And I'm like,
Never noticed that it ever happened.
But it did.
I no longer felt lost.

Yay, me!

Then we stopped and then he said to not breathe deeply anymore.
Huh?
I thought we would do it the entire time.
But then he pointed out that we know how to breathe,
So there's really no call for it.

And maybe we would fall asleep.
Haha. Good one, Andy.
But your intro was like anaesthesia.
Just kidding!

So then there was a body scan, which was easy enough in its own.

And then he was like,
"Now just let your mind be free."
?????????????????

But I thought we were supposed to be focused the entire time!!!
Apparently not.
His explanation was that if you were trying to stop thoughts the entire time during meditation,
Then you'd be exhausted by the time it was over.

Made sense.

I SO do NOT want to chase my brain around the entire time.

And that's why he included a "break" in there.
I really started to like it, and it was only my very first experience.

Nowadays, I enjoy going on my phone,
And it feels like a weight being lifted if my chest as soon as I go to do it.

I finally have my way.

Meditation saved me.

2.  In an instant.

Surprised that this book is only 2 chapters?
I've decided to make it in this way to show that when you find something you love when you think you'd never find yourself,
It can change you almost INSTANTLY.

But that doesn't mean your one meditation in and you'll start to see yourself calmer.
It does take time,  but I only felt it in an instant because it was the only took I've ever used.

You want to get started?  I highly recommend you do, and it doesn't have to be Headspace.
An app, YouTube video, download, whatever works, works.
And don't stop halfway in.
Just keep going in the hardest of times, and it will get better.
That's what I learned from all this. Make a change.
And never give up.
My message to you.

A big thank you to my mom for letting me borrow her Kindle to make this, and my warmest regards to Andy Puddicombe and everyone who works at Headspace in the UK. I don't know where I'd be without this incredible application. Thank you thank you thank you!

💟