Why do you wanna die so bad ?

  It was me swallowing thickly and blinking back tears everytime i had her dreams. Dreams that cluchted my heart and made me suffer . Dreams that once echoed her smile back and forth now echoes the pain. The pain that helds me up and wakes me up every night . I miss her and i feel its time i meet the person that broke my spirit more times than he ever lifted it . Took more good from me than he ever gave back to me . The one who stood there and watched bawl my eyes out than he ever comforted me . Happiness that never surpassed those pains that he ever gave to me. All that he gave and more that he took .

I have lived ! I have had decent jobs . I've had jobs that went nowhere . Had a good roof over my head and had that good roof taken away from me . I loved a girl . I got married , 20 happiest years of my life and she died . And now i am alone and in Pain . Not because i have moved along or have forgotten , but i have felt every single ounce of pain that has been with me and its hard trying to learn and live with the fate thats held .

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul .

In the fell clutch of circumstances .
I have not wince nor cried aloud .
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed .

It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul. ~ Weh