We were at the fair last week, she brought her best friend. She pointed to the marry go round with cars and what not. They both when over to it, she climbed on the motorcycle, my heart droped and I started to shake. Riley noticed and when over to her and said "how about this car one you both can sit together" she said excitly trying to get her to go on that one, she adventually did. Everything came back to me in a flash like it was happening again, I screamed his name then Riley came over and pulled me into a hug.
It's a Saturday evening and she's playing with her toys. Then all of a sudden she asks me a question, "where's daddy at?" she said not looking up from her toys. My heart dropped again. I don't answer and she looks up at me "mommy? Where's daddy? I see pictures of all of us when I was younger, where did daddy go?"
I look at her then go and sit next to her trying not to cry and think of something to say. "Sweetie, daddy is always right here" I point to her heart "right there in your heart." She tilts her head and I continue "he loves you so much, he's always with you even though you can't see him" tears start to fall and I look down.
A few seconds later I feel little hands lift my chin up and then atempt to wipe my tears away. "He's right here too" she says and points to my heart, this made me break down more. I pulled her in a hug, "yes he is, he loves us both" I said crying.
All I can do is remember that night, the crash, him flying though there air as I screamed his name. The motorcycle laying in the ditch, I should have never let him get it. I miss him so much, why did I let him get that dam thing. I remember running over to him and he was laying there in pain, the last thing he said to me before he turned cold, the ambulance arriving a minute to late.
Everytime I remember that night I shake and break down. Just like when she climbed on that toy one, all I could think of was that night, him, losing her too. If only I stopped him from getting that dam thing he would still be here, but he's not. He is never comming back! Dam it Josh, why did I agree to that stupid motorcycle!
