"I loved you, but our relationship, for me, did not work out. So, let's end our relationship. Sorry for one hundred times, I hope you'll understand and I hope we'll be friends. Thank you for the love you gave me. Take care always. :)" the message that my ex sent to me today.
I'm scrolling through my cellphone for the 20th time today
I'm reading the text you sent me today
Though I memorized it anyway
I've read it many times. And I couldn't believe that he left me, that he broke up with me.
All this time, I thought we were okay and loved each other.
"Mom, I'll go to the mall." then I went out and go directly to the mall.
Maybe, he was there. I want to talk to him. I really want.
It was an afternoon in December
When it reminded it off the day
When we bumped into each other
But you didn't say 'hi' cause I looked away
Natapos na akong mag-shopping ng mga gifts.
"Sana makita ko siya, please?" I whispered.
"Ouch!" I bumped into someone else.
And before I could stand up, someone lend me a hand.
Tumingala ako, then I saw him. It was him.
I didn't take it.
Tumayo ako ng mag-isa, at pinulot lahat ng pinamili ko.
I wanted to talk to him, I really want to.
Pero feeling ko, maiiyak lang ako.
Lahat ng lakas ng loob na inipon ko kanina nawala. Nanghina ako.
And maybe that was the biggest mistake of my life
And maybe I haven't moved on since that night
Cause it's 12:51
And I thought my feelings were gone
But I'm lying on my bed, thinking of you again
When the moon shines so bright
but I gotta dry these tears tonight
Cause you're moving on and I'm not that strong to hold on ... any longer
"Akala ko, nakamove-on na ako? Pero bakit ganun? Nung makita ko siya, lahat ng nararamdaman ko sa kanya bumalik. Hindi ko kaya, Hindi ko pa rin siya maalis sa isip at st puso ko. Siya pa rin kasi." sabi ko kay Mom.
Then I cried out loud in my mother's shoulder.
One thing for sure: I still love him.
Then I saw you with her
Didn't think you find another
And the world seemed to crash
Shouldn't have thought that it would last
And maybe that was the biggest mistake of my life
And maybe I haven't moved on since that night
"Ma, I'll go out."
"Take care, baby." then I kissed the forehead of my mom.
Siguro ngayon, meron na akong lakas ng loob para kausapin siya.
To-do-list: Confront him.
Suot-suot ko ang necklace na binigay niya sa akin nung araw na maging kami.
"Vince, meet me at the park in the school. I wanted to talk to you." ang text ko sa kanya kanina.
Papunta na ako ng park sa school... I'm ready.
I held once again the necklace he gave me.
"Hon, I want you to meet someone later." narinig ko mula sa park.
Nang tuluyan na akong nakapunta sa park, I saw him..
I saw him with another girl.
I can't stand it.
I felt a tear drop from my eye. I'm hurt.
Sa sobrang sakit, pinigtas ko bigla yung necklace na suot suot ko at tumakbo palayo.
Cause it's 12:51
And I thought my feeling were gone
But I'm lying on my bed, thinking of you again
When the moon shines so bright
but I gotta dry these tears tonight
Cause you're moving on and I'mnot that strong to hold on ... any longer
As the sky outside gets brighter
and my eyes begin to tire
I'm slowly drowning
In memories of him
*ring* *ring*
(Hello?)
"Pagod na ako. Pagod na ako. Ayoko na magmahal. Wala na akong ibang ginawa kung hindi umiyak. All this time, akala ko mahal pa rin niya ako. Pero, I was wrong. I expect too much. I decided to meet up with him so I can fix what's wrong. Pero, he has already a girl. A girl that he really loves. Ang sakit, bes." umiyak na ako, erase that. Humagulogol na ako sa sakit na nararamdaman ngayon. Sobrang sakit.
(Move on, bes. He's not worth your tears. You're strong, right?)
"Yes, I'm strong."
I'm strong, even when I'm not. But I should be strong. Yes. Tama si bes, He's not worth my tears.
"Thank you, bes." then I ended the call.
And I know it shouldn't matter
As my heart begins to shatter
I'm left to wonder
Just how it should have been ... yeah ...
Dapat hindi ko na siya iniisip. Dapat hindi na.
Many people love me, so why should I worry? Right?
Many weeks have passed since our relationship ended, so I should move on.
Kinuha ko yung gitara ko.
Sa pagkakanta at pagtuogtog ng gitara ko lang nailalabas lahat ng gusto kong ilabas.
"12:51 and I thought my feelings were gone
But I'm lying on my bed
I'm not thinking of you again
When the moon shines so bright
but I gotta dry there tears tonight
cause you're moving on and I'm not that strong to hold on.. any longer
Cause I'll prove you wrong that I can move on
throught this song, so much stronger..."
I'm Cindy Mae Roxas and I'm strong.
-- Ms. Trust
