Shock Jock

Chapter One

"You know when you're pressing every inch of yourself against that person, and while staring into their eyes, regardless if it's pure lust or true love, there's that tiny spark that's strong enough to pause time? When the anticipation of what's about to come next makes your heart pound so effin' hard you hear it in your ears? And then...you join your bodies in slow motion, and it's pure perfection."

My carnal groaning left nothing to the imagination. After a pregnant pause I went on to add, "With every thrust, the pressure builds until you can't stand it any longer. And by the grace of the universe, your orgasm forcibly releases with every ounce of sexual energy from your body, leaving you drained. The experience is both heaven and hell at the same time. You never want it to end, yet, if it doesn't end soon, you'll never recover. That sensation you get when you're coming—there's nothing on this goddamn earth that even comes close. It doesn't matter if the sex was mind-blowing, mediocre, or even routine—if done right, the moment you release is always nirvana."

"Damn, man..." Hank chimed in. "Whew, did it get hot in here?"

"It's always hot in here." My eyes cut to the clock on the wall. Time flew by at supersonic speed, and I still had so much I wanted to say. But I was out of time, and for the last hour I'd have to sit back and listen. "Okay, L.A. Let's go to the phone lines, since they're lighting up like the Fourth of July. You're on with Vaughn. How can I get you off?"

"Hi, Vaughn. I'm Susie. I just wanted to tell you the sound of your sexy voice has been the last thing I've heard every night before I slipped into my bed."

"Thank you for your support, Susie. Nothing needs to change. I'll meet you over at Galaxy next month. Date?"

"I'll be there."

"You're on with Vaughn. How can I get you off?"

"Hey, Vaughn. I wanted to thank you for getting me through one of the worst times of my life."

"I'm glad I could help, and I appreciate you telling me that. You're on with Vaughn. How can I get you off?"

"Many ways, thank you. Vaughn, because of you I'm no longer intimidated by trying new things and asking for what I want. I now know my body intimately, and that has turned my ho-hum sex life into a fucking awesome one."

"Aw, honey, I'm sure they dumped that out. But I appreciate you telling me. Thank you. Every woman deserves her mind to be blown. Always be sure to please yourself first. You're on with Vaughn."

"Hi, Vaughn...before you, oral sex had no appeal until I realized he just sucked at it."

"Darlin,' if your toes aren't curling, he's not doing it right."

Call after call was more of the same. With the way the boards lit up, there wasn't enough time to get to everyone. A few of my regulars got through, as thousands of others waited and waited, hoping to be connected. Some that I'd never spoken to before made sure to tell me they'd been listening for years but were too shy to call. The support, well wishes, and compliments came in droves and time ran out before I could speak to them all.

It wasn't just females calling to sing my praises, the men had their own thanks to give.

"You're on with Vaughn. How can I get you off?"

"You're a genius. After hearing your show on foolproof seduction, my wife now wants sex more than I do."

"Make sure you keep pleasing her, and she'll keep pleasing you. You're on with Vaughn."

"Because of you she finally tried anal and loved it. Thank you, man."

"You're welcome. You're on with Vaughn. How can I get you off?"