Much Ado About Screwtape and Prejudice

Benedick married Beatrice and Claudio finally married Hero. Then the director said, "Cut. Let's re do that scene. There's just still something wrong. Restart and this time with feeling."

Three, two, one

Benedick emotionally unveiled his bride, ignoring the smell of fish. The wedding was located by the sea of Italy so the air was laced with sea sqlt but this was not the salt of the sea but fish.

Then Beatrice said, "if we are going to move foward in this marriage there is something I need to tell you."

Benedick teplied "what is is my fair and not at all fishy beloved?"

Beatrice then pulled off her face to reveal a fish head, "I'm really a fish!"

Benedick stood in awe as his newly beloved spouse showed him her gill slits.

Benedick said calmly, "How could thy lie to me when I be trothed to you."

The sea seemed to beckon Beafish in a disturbing matter as there was anxiety in her hearts.

The waves of the sea started to roar and out came and old man with a harpoon.

"What in God's name is going on? Is that Poisedon?" Shouted Benedick

"I am Santiago, the old man of the sea and that is my fish!" He then proceeded to stab Benedick in the heart with his harpoon."

At that point Leanoto declared, "Before any other strange and completly inexplicable events occur let's marry my dear daughter and Claudio! Are there any objections?"

Then a giant centipede came crawling out of the ground and said "raaawawawawawa!"

His translator that resembled Darcy said "what he is trying to say is, look at you man, now look at me, now look back at your man and back at me. sadly, your man doesnt have as many legs as me, but he could if he used old spice".

Then the centipede kidnapped Hero to take her to the depths of Hell. Her slander had even tricked Our Lord Below so she is looked upon as a wanton deserving of punishment.

In Hell's depths, Hero was released by Screwtape and asked, "Why am I here?"

Screwtape answered, "Rawawawawabbababvrrrrr." His translator spoke, "He said because the queen wants you to teach her how you did your hair. Kidnapping is the only way possible and the King wants you to be his queen."

Hero asked, "Isn't the Queen married to the King."

Mr. Darcy responded, "No, he's married to me but I can't be Queen. Only Chancellor of the Dark."

Hero continued to ask questions, "Wait I'm confused. Then who is the queen."

Darcy said, "It's Lydia." He stares into the distance and the earth starts to melt.

Suddenly, Lydia, waking up in Pemberly, is crying for her mother, "Mother, Mother!"

Mrs. Bennet enters her bedroom and says, "Dear Lydia, what is wrong. Why are you screaming."

Lydia replied, " I had a horrid nightmare about these people and I don't know how they are and Italy."

Mrs. Bennet said sternly, "I can't help you. You eloped. Remember?" Then Mrs. Bennet proceed to shed her exoskeleton, unmasking her centipede body. Screwtape emerged. The townspeople of Pemberly proceeded to desert the town because Screwtape was not a classy guy. He drank all the tea and trashed the luncheon. Screwtape oblierated the sophiscation of the town which triggered the Krakatoa eruption. The world was covered with ash and to survive citizens hid in caves. A young mother named Juana hid with her child in a cave to escape suffocation. She took a brief nap until the earth shaking ceased. Juana woke up in a cave in the desert three years later. She remembered that her baby coyotito had been shot before the eruption and was upset that she didn't dress the wound. Her husband's brother had shot her child for her husband's pearl and she hated that pearl. It was worth too much but did not contribute to the wealth. Juana was shouting in the cave but she was not alone. There were nore survivors.

A group of scared dwarfves came from the cave's burrow screaming, "It's after us! It's after us! Our adventure is over!"

Juana felt the ground shake. A hole was formed from soil collasping and a centipede came from the cave. Once again, it was Screwtape crawling from Hell ,as he usually does, "that was fun,"' he thought to himself. He loved being a centipede and scaring everyone all the time. He slowly approached Juana with his stench of fish and ate her. Juana injured her arm in Screwtape's leathery stomach but she didn't hurt herself more because Beafish broke her fall. The life drained from Beafish's eyes because Juana broke Beafish's spine. Feeling this was an appriorpate conclusion, the director yelled for a blackout. As the black light creeped onto the set, the director smiled and twitched a few times.

"We are always more creative when we are high. This is blockbuster gold."