Twisted Story of My Life

Chapter Thirty

"Where am I?" I muttered as soon as I opened my eyes. Then I started trembling as I remember bits and pieces of what transpired that day when I met up with Zeke. I tried to reach for my tummy but every part of me aches. More than the physical pain, my heart is totally wrecked.

"Is baby still here?" I asked and felt tears falling down my cheeks. Because I think I already know the answer.

I felt a light squeeze on my hand. Mom is slumped on a chair beside my bed. She looked tired but she is wearing a sad smile.

"Darling, I am glad you are awake!" She suddenly blurted as she stood up to give me a kiss on the forehead.

"Thanks, Mom. How long have I been here?"

"Three days, dear."

I shook my head still wanting to think that this is just a dream. But even that movement hurts. Tears continuously flowed. What have I done? I did not care for myself well enough and put my baby's life to an end. I sobbed. The world is not fair. I lost everything. I have let my emotions take over me and now I am left with nothing but pain and sadness.

"Hush, dear. Let us thank the Lord that you are saved," Mom said squeezing my hand.

"I don't know, Mom. Maybe it could have been better if I am also gone. Maybe I am with my baby now and we would be happy up there. I know this is my fault. I should have not let my emotions control me."

"Don't say that, babe," Calix suddenly appeared near me. His beautiful brown eyes also looked too tired, as if he had not slept and had been crying.

"What are you doing here?" I asked quite angrily. After all, he led me to believe that he loves me truly and all of a sudden it would be brought to me that he is the father of Kara's baby. The root of all chaos between me and Zeke.

"Darling, he was the one who brought you here and never left your side since then. Don't be rude," Mom whispered.

I sighed. How can I love and hate the same person at the same time? How can I thank him and blame him. After all, I would have not gotten into an accident if it weren't for Kara's revelation. I would have not walked out. Because maybe Zeke would have reacted differently. Not like that thick-faced asshole that he has become. I could still hear his voice ringing in my ears. "Exchange partners." "Everybody happy now?" How did I love that shallow man before?

"I will leave you two first," Mom said cutting my thoughts and then she turned away to get out. She whispered something to Calix before she finally left the room.

Calix then sat on the chair where Mom was earlier.

"Babe, how are you feeling?" He asked trying to start a normal conversation. He then leaned near me to feel my forehead.

"Of course, not good," I retorted sarcastically and moved away from him.

"Please, babe. You got me worried that I might be losing you when you were still unconscious. And now that you are awake, why do I still feel the same fear?" I saw a tear fall down his cheek.

He went near me to hug me.

"Calix, I don't know how to feel anymore. Part of me died with my baby. This loss will forever haunt me. I should have been more careful."

"Babe, nobody wanted what happened. Stop blaming yourself."

"But who is to blame? No one else but me, Calix! Stop being too good to be true. You are a liar after all!"

"Hey, babe. I never lied to you. You know that. I already told you that my ex-girlfriend told me that the baby isn't mine. How was I supposed to know that she was lying when all she did was push me away? Why are you acting like her all of a sudden? Why are you pushing me away? I was never a jerk to you. And I will never be. You are the reason I wanted to change. I wanted to be good enough for you and for our baby."

"How could you be so foolish to believe that that wasn't your baby? You are such a jerk. Maybe you did not love your girlfriend well enough to feel that she just wanted you to run after her and your baby! She just wanted you to prove that you would fight for them and that you would claim them. But you were so busy believing some stupid lie that tested your heart. You proved them wrong. And then what? You would rather end up with someone else than be a father to your kid? You would rather turn your back to your own blood and flesh. Then as your defense you would say that you were pushed away? Where are your balls?" I was so full of emotions I did not realize at once that I said too much.

Calix looked surprised and I saw that he was crying. He tried to wipe his tears away but they continue to fall.

"Babe, are you still talking to me? For a moment there I feel that you have just said the words you really want to spit on Zeke's face. I am confused. We were okay before we went to the coffee shop. You even assured me that you will just tell Zeke that you were carrying his baby and then seek legal advice later on. I love you, babe. I told you nothing and no one can change that. Not even you. You can't stop me from loving you with all my heart."

Maybe he is right. After all he told me before that his ex-girlfriend is pregnant with a kid that is not his as she claimed. And he also admitted, attested even, to the fact that he was once a jerk. He kept no secrets to me. And yet here I am accusing him of Zeke's faults. Funny how Calix and Zeke went through the same situation; they are expectant fathers but their girlfriends won't let them know. Then something drastic happens that revealed everything. Too bad, baby was sacrificed. I really am sorry baby.

I guess my condition is not good enough to deal with my heart. I am confused too.

As if reading what's on my mind, Calix gave my hand a squeeze and he went to the couch far from my bed. He sat there watching me quietly. Then I saw him close his eyes. But even the distance could not conceal that he is crying. My heart is crushed once again. I feel him. It pains me that I am hurting him this much. But I am hurt too.