The Trouble With Love (SHOEY Fanfic) DISCONTINUED

What Meets The Eye (Chapter 11)

----I know you all hate me. "Karrie!!! Did you kill off Joey?!" Whittney and I already know the answer. c;

This part did not happen in our Roleplay, but Joey did mention to Izabella once that he tried to commit suicide a second time. I wanted a part in this story to explain what happened, since it's gonna be in Joey's POV the whole time.

But TTWL will continue for a loooong time, people!

Do you think it's rushed? Are there too many grammar mistakes? I suck at grammar but I know basically what to do because I read a lot.

But here is Chapter 11! Shoey will return at some point, in better circumstances. :) Please Vote, Comment, and Save!----

I pressed the blade to my wrist slowly, along my vein.

As soon as I started to feel blood, I dropped the blade from my arm. A million thoughts and memories filled my mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hello? Is this Mr. Graceffa?"

"This is he.."

"We were told to inform you of Mr. Mark L. Stennis' passing. He got in a car accident and was killed instantly. There was nothing we could do. My condolences."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked up to the coffin, tears streaming down my face. I could see his pale, glowing face from where I was standing.

I loved him. I really did.

I didn't care if the people behind me saw.

I leaned down and quickly kissed his cold lips. I looked at the peaceful expression spread across his gentle face. He deserved so much better.

"I'm so sorry, Mark. Please forgive me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stared at the shiny razor blade.

Why did this have to happen to him? He shouldn't have gotten close to me.

I'm nothing but a ticking time bomb. It doesn't take much to set me off. I get depressed, say a few mean words, and people get hurt. I hurt him.

A rush of anger filled me, and I immediately dug the blade into my vein.

Everything went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I looked up and saw a concerned face over mine.

I know him... How??

Oh... That's Luke... The guy I was supposed to film a video with.. Today?

"Joey? Oh my god..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why did i do this to myself?

I stared at the ugly white bandage on my arm. A tear dripped down my cheek and I brushed it away.

If Mark saw what I did to myself, he would've been so disappointed in me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I snapped back to reality and stared at the tiny mark from the blade. I looked back to my left hand, with the blade still in my grasp.

I screamed quietly in horror as I looked at the faint red in the slight cut.

I did this to myself.

I quickly threw the blade across the bathroom, and it hit the wall.

Why did i try do this again? I can't make Sawyer or Izzy go through what I went through for Mark.

The blade broke in half and fell to the floor.

I wrapped my arms around my head and curled up in a ball, crying my eyes out. Tears poured as guilt and shame overpowered any other emotion.

This time there was nothing holding me back from having a full out panic attack.

I muffled my sobs the best I could. Hopefully Izzy or Sawyer still won't notice what's going on.

I wanted to leave this world, but there were people and things holding me back. Why can't I just find something that really makes me content?

Oh wait... I already did.

Shane.

****************

I sat on my bed, staring out the window for what seemed like the millionth time.

I just watched the sunset, trying to calm myself. I was still pretty shaken from my second attempt.

"You stupid ass." I muttered darkly.

I still can't believe I wanted to die so badly for the second time.

Maybe I should pick up my notebook again. My eyes flickered to my notebook on the floor and back to the disappearing sun.

Drawing and exercise will be my rehab.

I stood up and scooped it up off the cluttered floor. I found the pencil I had just used, lying by my desk.

I flipped through the pages, even with my still-shaking hand, I managed to skip through my first suicide note with only a few tears. I found the first blank page and bit my pencil.

I looked back to the window and my mind instantly drifted to the sound of pencil scratches.

I breathed in, then out.

This was the closest thing to meditation I've ever done. And it felt amazing. Every thought in my mind disappeared. The only thing I thought of was the pencil.

I gently pressed the tip to the paper and slowly pulled my pencil across the paper.

My mind was completely blank except thoughts for my sketch.

The small scritches were like music to my ears. The peace spread through me like a river. I don't think I've ever felt so calm before.

It was the best feeling on earth.

I moved the notebook away from my face and examined the sketch.

It was of a human eye, put off at an angle. I put as much intricate detail into the sketch as I could.

I had forgotten that I could draw this well...

"Wow..."

I quickly signed my name and put the date on the bottom.

What to name a sketch of an eye...?

I instantly thought of a name that fit perfectly.

"More Than What Meets The Eye"

I was content with my first sketch I've drawn in two years.

I felt calmer. Better. Stronger.

I laid back down on my bed and stared at the ceiling.

I made another vow to myself that night. One I will never break, no matter how hard my life gets.

I will never try to leave this world again.