Perhaps it would have been better if we never met, if I had taken a different taxi or if I didn't fall for your charm and innocent eyes. Maybe you did the same to your ex; you lied about him cheating on you or maybe you'll use the fact that you were hurt as an excuse? You know, the "hurt people, hurt people" nonsense?
I don't understand why people let Instagram and tumblr quotes run their lives and relationships.
I also don't know how you were raised but my mom taught me not to inflict pain to heal my own. She taught me to walk away if I felt like I was selfish enough to cheat because the heart is more dangerous than any gun.
Speaking of my mom, remember when she hugged you and told you she liked you? Remember how she said she felt a warm aura when she was around you? How she loved your humility and how well mannered you were? What would she say, Keletso? How do I even tell my little sister what you've done? She once told me she looked up to you.
I was all in, I ticked all the boxes, you had my heart and soul. I was ALL in and I told you every single day so you'd never question my intentions. I couldn't even look at other girls without feeling guilty because I was so in love with you, my friends even said I was under a love spell but your affection was the only love potion I needed. I've had chances to cheat, my inbox is flooding with pussy but I always say options are only options when you start making them options.
"Was it worth it?" I finally broke the silence. No response came, you just stood there with tears and snort all over your face for what seemed like an eternity. My own tears started falling on my face too, I wanted to believe that I was only crying because you were but that was a lie, I was crying because it hurt. It hurt like crazy.
But your sobs meant nothing now, I was desensitised. I was numb to it all, your crocodile tears, your bullshit. Everything! It's amazing how they find you heartbroken and still break your heart as if to prove that they can do it better than the last person. "She's light skinned, what did you expect?" The voice in my head said.
"Okay, I'm sleeping at a friend's place tonight, I'll get the rest of my stuff tomorrow" I said wiping a tear and heading towards the bedroom but you intercepted me, blocking the door.
"Baby we can work this out, I'll do anything I swear..."
I didn't say anything until you moved, you collapsed on the wall using your hands to muffle your cries. I packed an overnight bag and grabbed my favourite jacket, "Goodbye Keletso" and I turned but you pulled on my jacket as I was about to leave. "What are you doing? Get off!".
"Thapelo I love you, we've been through bigger obstacles than this...I... I just need to... I just need to make it right... Please babe, I'm begging you!" you said, breaking into more tears.
"Bigger obstacles? I've never entertained anyone, God knows if he's even the first... Let go of my damn jacket!" but you said no.
I could never handle seeing you cry but I had to be strong for myself this time. "Let go Keletso, it's over!" I tugged on the jacket but you fell on your knees, holding on for dear life. "Let... Go... Of the fucking jacket!" I said through gritted teeth, growing more and more impatient, I was pulling and you were pulling.
This little tug of war caused something to fall out of the pocket and we both froze and stared at it... A little black box hit the floor.
To be continued...
