Twisted Story of My Life

Chapter Thirty One

After a couple of days I was brought home. I felt empty as ever. I locked myself in my room and lied on my bed under my comforter.

I tried to think things over. I caressed my tummy and then remembered that baby isn't there anymore. Tears started falling down my cheeks again. I would never forgive myself for what happened. I was so careless and thoughtless. I was the mother; I was supposed to think of my baby's condition before mine. But baby is gone now and it's because of me. I will forever blame myself. I cried myself to sleep.

My day went to an end. I did nothing but think, cry, sleep, and eat a little. Mom and Lucille would always check on me. They know that I wouldn't eat if they would not push me to. I will not take medicines if they would not make me. I feel like my once again my life is worthless... no baby... no career... nothing ahead of me... no Calix most especially. Wait, I was the one who pushed him away. But why do I feel like this? My day isn't complete without seeing his beautiful brown eyes and hearing him call me babe. I miss him so much. I have grown too fond of him. After all, he was always there for me. Maybe I was too harsh on him. I of all people should have known that he would never do anything to hurt me. He was willing to accept all of me... all that I am – that was; only if I let him own me. I was stupid to let my anger and immaturity conquer me. Now that I have pushed him too far I still expect that he would wait for me like a dog to his master. Crazy me. I think I need to undergo a therapy. Maybe my brain was affected because of that accident. So is my heart?

I searched for my cell phone. I saw that there were several messages but none of them from Calix. That is so peculiar. Calix with no single message.

Alyssa: How are you, Alex? Was calling you.

Richard: Heard you got into an accident. Hope you are fine. Too bad I could not visit.

What surprised me is a lengthy message from an unknown number.

Unknown sender: If you don't believe how true Calix is to you; I think I would never know what the meaning of true is anymore. Never seen him so worried before. Never seen him so sure of what he wants in life. Never imagined him being serious at anything nor anyone before. Maybe that was before you came into his life. I am so envious that I never changed him the way you did in an instant. I just have to accept. I might have made the wrong decisions before but I think sending you this message is a right thing to do despite and in spite of everything. –k

My heart is pounding. I did not expect that Kara would do such. I mean she is Zeke's best friend and Calix's ex-girlfriend. With that combination, I think it would just be natural to push me back to Zeke and claim Calix, especially that they are having a baby. But she is so brave to do this. I need my strength to find Calix now.

I went outside my room and was surprised to see a big bouquet of red and white roses on the table in the living room.

"They are for you," Lucille said smiling.

I think I it is my lucky day. I am about to find my Calix finally. He really knows what I am thinking and these roses would lead me back to him. I smiled as I got the card and sat on the sofa to read.

I excitedly got the card out of the envelope. This is what is written on the card: Alex, I might have not been perfect for you and our baby. I might have not done my best, so you think. But I regret each moment that I did not hurriedly run after you. I was afraid you would reject me again and again. I am sorry, we lost our baby. If only you could give me another chance to love you. Please let me love you again. Please love me again. – Zeke

I crumpled the card and threw it on the roses. I stood up and went back to my room. I was so disappointed. I was expecting to read Calix's sweet note. Zeke has no more space in my heart. I am too tired of him and his sugar-coated words. He is entirely the opposite of Calix. Just Calix's stares already assure me that he is sincere. Then why did I even accuse him of lying to me? I so hate myself for being so impulsive.

Calix, oh my Calix. I miss him so bad. Where could he be now? What is he doing? Did he now give his attention to all those girls drooling over him? I am so jealous. Maybe he got tired of me already. Maybe I hurt him more than I should have. Oh my! Can I really let him leave me now? Should I give him away to other girls? Maybe to a better girl whom he really deserves? I feel my heart being broken into tiny pieces. What to do? If I fly back to Korea, would there be even a tiny chance that I see him there? Only if I could bring back our sweet moments then; when it was just him and me, then our baby. I have to do something!