Beautiful Disaster

The Last Time

"Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster"

I pull back on the highway to continue on my trek. Keeping an eye out for my exit, I noticed the sign for the college I attended, several miles from where I had grew up. I felt a sting in my chest and a deep sadness take over me. the last time I ever spoke too Devin was here.

College was my time to break out of the box, become myself fully. There were more support systems in place here than in high school, our the small town I was from. I rented an apartment just off campus, mine and mine alone. I had my cell, internet, a steady job and working my way through my core college classes, still unsure of my actual major. I figured that it would come to me sooner than later.

One night, after a long day of classes, my phone rang with a number I didn't recognise, however out was from my home town. I took a gamble and answered it. on the other end was Devin.

"Hey, Max, How's College life?"
"Kicking my ass. Between classes, working, and studying I barely finds time for me."
"I bet. So, some news, I joined the military."
"Oh, thats great. What branch?"
"Army," he paused, "and I asked to be stationed close to you."
"That sounds great, but why the hesitation in your voice?"
"Well, call me crazy, but I think we can work."
"Think we can work? I'm not following, bud."
"I think it's our time. I think we can work out."
"Whoa, buddy, like a relationship? I,..." I started, a bit startled, "I don't know what to tell ya. I mean, you're my pal and all but I'm not sure I see you in the same way. You're like a brother to me."
"Oh,..." I could sense the disappointment in his voice, "I just figured that we were so close, maybe we could actually live together and possibly be the one for each other. I was willing ttoo give it a shot."
"I'm sorry man, even if there was that connection, I wouldn't have the time to devote too school, work, and a relationship."
"Oh... ok... well I should probably let you get back to what you were doing."
"...ok, ..it was good to hear from you. I'll talk with you again soon?"
"yeah. Take care." He hung up the phone.

That was the last time I heard from him. I tried calling him back later, but the phone number he called from had been disconnected. I had no way to get a hold of him after that. I couldn't turn to his family who could have cared less about him, and no one else had any information of his whereabouts, they didnt even know he joined the army.

I suppose things happen for a reason, but why his sudden change, I'll never know. We were pals, yet I never pictured him being gay or bisexual, that in itself was shocking enough. I guess the what might have beens will never be, and I'm ok with my decision. The only thing that makes me feel regret is that I was the last person he had, and in a moment, it felt like I shattered his world.