Random thoughts of a confused teenager

being yourself

throughout my entire life, i've never been one to really care about what other people thought of me and never catered to expectations or stereotypes placed on my gender or age. and although i've been told many times that one should be mindful of their image and the very popular, but equally ridiculous saying, "girls should be seen and not heard", it never sounded right to me that i should mask my true self and stop myself from expressing my personality. now, don't take this to mean that i go around sprouting whatever is on my mind and have no regard for people feelings and say rude or irrational comments to anyone. all i mean is that, if someone has a loud personality and feels comfortable being perky and laughing a lot and being open with everyone, it is not a sin to show that side of themselves where they feel secure and comfortable enough in their own skin to be as loud as they want to be. and the same goes for people who are introverted and keep to themselves most of the time, if someone does not feel comfortable talking to strangers or talking a lot in general, it really doesn't help when they are constantly told that it is "necessary" to open up and socialize in order to be a functioning member of society. there are certain situations where these people simply cannot express themselves and certain people they feel comfortable enough to talk to and to be around on a daily basis. i feel like if people are forced to act differently or adjust to the preferences of the people around them, especially at my age, it becomes difficult for them to be truly self aware and know who they are and what makes them comfortable because they are constantly leading a double life. the point of saying all of this is that, because i'm a very loud person who is ALWAYS laughing, and says what's on her mind most of the time without sugarcoating or buttering up my remarks, i tend to get judged a lot and make some people uncomfortable and it has led to me not finding the right people to associate myself with. it's difficult because my principles do not allow me to change who i am for ANYONE, but sometimes it can be so easy and convenient to adapt to my surroundings and make people like me by acting differently. although this has taught me a lot of lessons the hard way, after learning to love myself and learning that not everyone can love me no matter what personality i portray, i am finally able to say that i think i found a set of people who appreciate this feature of myself and some that even aspire to adopt this from me.