Soulless (Justin Bieber Love Story / Fan Fiction)

LIV

LIV.
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Song of the chapter:
Feelings by Hayley Kiyoko
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FOUR MONTHS LATER

"Table six needs their coffees, like, yesterday!" I yelled into the diner's kitchen, hoping one of the new waitresses could give me a hand. After Paulina got married and quit, we had to look for outside help. She used to work at least fifty hours per week, meaning we needed three lazy teenagers to compensate.

She had been married months ago, and these girls weren't that new. They just didn't want to work.

Lazy bitches.

It was March. We're eighteen now. I had picked up a lot of shifts at the diner due to Paulina's absence, and it was nearly driving me up the wall. However, I needed anything and everything to keep my mind off of the fact that I was rejected at NYU.

Back when the first of December rolled around, and I needed to make a decision on whether or not to submit my story about Justin for a scholarship, I decided against it. I knew it was wrong. It was absolutely invasive and cruel to submit something without consent of the other person. The fact that I even considered it made me feel terrible.

Instead, I submitted my workshop project from the previous year about rape culture. I was proud of it, but I knew it wasn't half as good as my articulate, heartfelt pages about Justin.

So, I impatiently awaited an acceptance letter all the way through Christmas Eve. Justin was next to me as I opened the large envelope, knowing that I had been anxiously hoping for a yes. And when I opened the envelope, I not only didn't get the scholarship, but I was rejected.

That day was filled with sorry's and simple gestures to make me feel better by both Justin and my parents, but I simply felt guilty for the whole situation. I felt guilty for even writing the stupid story, I felt guilty for betraying Justin (even though he didn't know about it), and I felt guilty for not submitting it all at the same time. Most importantly, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt because I was still maintaining the story.

Any time Justin wasn't around, I wrote about him. It wasn't for anybody but myself (and of course, English workshop. It was too late to change my story idea). It was an outlet for all things I was feeling. It was like a diary, and I planned to keep it that way. But every time I opened up the little black notebook and saw the letter of rejection from NYU tucked inside, staring back at me, I hated myself for failing as a writer.

Rather than jumping into a four year school that I had wanted to attend for a long time, I settled on a CUNY community college in the city until I could find my place. There was nothing wrong with community colleges, but it wasn't what I wanted. I felt like I wasn't achieving my set goals, and I was disappointed in myself.

Any time anybody wanted to talk about it with me, I acted busy or as if it was completely insignificant. It was obvious that it was really bothering me, but there was nothing I could have done. It was just how it was.

Justin, on the other hand, was accepted into Columbia University for biomedical engineering. He was so smart that his excessive absences in high school didn't really matter. I knew he felt guilty for being accepted into such a good school while I was not, but I tried not to let it seem like a problem. Thus, I continued working to keep my mind off of it.

"Jesus! Do I have to do everything myself?" I asked, grabbing three coffee mugs when I noticed that the other girls were standing there like deers in headlights. I somehow managed to carry all three in my left hand while carrying the scalding hot coffee pot in the other to table six. "I'm really sorry about the wait. Jenny will be over here to take your orders in a minute, okay?"