I'm Not Okay: a Ferard fanfic based on Cancer and I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Ch. 14: Frankie pt. 2

Frankie's POV
It was late afternoon when Gerard and Frankie started talking about their lives and their families, and starting families.

Gerard was curled up against Frankie, his head resting on Frankie's chest.

"Would you want a family?" Frankie asked Gerard. "Kids, I mean. Have you ever thought about it before?"

"Yeah," Gerard smiled. "I have. I do want kids in the future. I think it'd be amazing to start a family."

Frankie looked down at Gerard, gazing off somewhere in the room, a small smile playing on his lips like he knew a good secret. The kind worth knowing. It was a sad sort of a smile, yet optimistic at the same time; like knowing something unwanted will happen but hoping maybe, just maybe, fate would be on your side after all.

Frankie decided then and there that anything he could give Gerard or do to make him happy, he would.

"Well, we'd have to adopt, obviously." Frankie said briskly. "Would you be all right with that?"

Gerard sat up and stared at Frankie, his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide and hopeful. Frankie could tell that Gerard hadn't expected Frankie to say what he had said.

"Wait...are you saying...you'd want to start a family with me?" Gerard asked slowly.

Frankie laughed indulgently and dropped a kiss on Gerard's forehead. "Well, we are engaged. And I don't know if I want kids right away, but I do want a family with you, eventually. Or, if you really want them right away, that badly, then that's what we'll do."

Gerard didn't respond but leaned forward and hugged Frankie tightly. It was a very long time before he let go.

"I love you." Gerard said clearly. "Frankie, I love you."

It was the first time Gerard had told Frankie those words.

Now it was Frankie's eyes that widened. "You don't have to say it if you don't mean it."

Gerard pretended to be insulted. "Well, I never. I agree to marry you, we commit unspeakable acts, and I want to start a family with you and you don't fully believe that I love you?" He punched Frankie lightly in the belly. "You idiot, of course I mean it."

"Okay. I'm sorry. You're right." Frankie said soberly. Gerard must have noticed the tense tone in Frankie's voice because he gently took his hand and pressed his lips to it.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"Hey. Talk to me." Gerard reached his other hand to gently turn Frankie's face to him. Frankie smiled at Gerard but Gerard wasn't buying it and frowned.

Frankie sighed. "Fine. I'm just a little uncertain on everything. Not uncertain, exactly, just...wary, I guess."

"Wary?" Echoed Gerard, bewildered. "Why? I don't understand."

"Do you want to know why I was admitted into the hospital?"

"Well...I won't say I wasn't curios." Gerard admitted. "But you don't have to tell me if it's painful for you."

"I tried to kill myself. I was in a serious relationship with someone I had been with for years. I thought she loved me. Turns out she had been cheating on me the entire time. I lost my head...and jumped out a window."

Frankie could see Gerard was horrified. "Oh, god...I don't know what to say to that. 'I'm sorry' seems insufficient."

"Just, after someone lying about the fact that they loved me..."