This poem is really REALLY personal. I'm almost having a hard time posting it. But here we are.
I see you skip across the playground,
Falling too often
And having to be carried inside
Just to get a bandage over your knee
That was too small.
I see you run back outside
To fall again.
I see you catch the first raindrop
In your small hand
And yelling to your friends excitedly,
"It's raining!"
I see your uncontrollable long hair
Slowly releasing itself from the hairband
Our step mom tightly wove.
I see your growing feet
Growing too big in your imaginary glass slippers
And marks being rubbed on your heel
And starting to bleed
But you didn't care.
You love those shoes.
I see you hold tightly to the hem of your dress
As you bight your lip
And watch as those shoes are thrown away.
I see you trying on a new pair
But they weren't the same.
They were polka dot tennis shoes.
You wear them everywhere.
As if you are trying to replace your small slippers
And you still limp because of your cuts and bruises
And upset joints.
I see you getting a needle put in your arm
And watching weakly as the blood dispurses into the clear tube.
I see as you watch a part of you being sucked away
And replaced with a brand new bandage
Matching the one on your heel
And on your knee.
I see you laying on the hospital bed,
The doctor moving your leg in uncomfortable positions
So they could see if you will continue to walk.
I see your eyes staring blankly as they stick yet another needle
Into your bicep
And filling your blood
With a toxic clear fluid
That you don't know will someday destroy your immune system
And start a new disease to spread around the state you live in.
I see the hole in your arm replaced with another bandage.
And your heart covered with a sticker
With a glass slipper on it.
I see the sticker slowly tearing
But never reaching the picture.
I see you focusing on the letter "c"
And trying to spit the word out but a large overpowering machine is covering your mouth.
I see you weakly get your eyelids held open
As another clear liquid enters your eye
And you walk home blind.
I see you breathing in that toxic gas
That takes you to space
And you wake up with 4 teeth missing.
I see your legs shaking as your Dad carries you out to the car
Because you're too weak to walk and you can't feel your tongue.
I see words quickly bursting through your ears
Out of a rude mouth
Just an inch away from your flesh.
I see you stare blankly at the cracked mirror in front of you as the door slams shut
And you don't flinch.
I see you turn your head and walk to the window to open it
Seeing the hard ground beneath you
And your arm reaching out to catch the first raindrop of a storm
As you whisper,
"It's raining!"
I see you leaning your head out the window
Knowing so well that you could end it
And knowing so well that you're only 6 years old.
I see your tiny frame sitting on a huge couch
Just a few feet away from the lady who claims to help you.
I see you choke out in a small voice,
"I can't."
As you continue with,
"I won't live to be 16."
I see her telling you that she can tell you haven't been eating.
I see you in a hospital bed yet again,
To check your joints.
As the doctor gives you news of remission.
I see you weakly running out the hospital doors
Smiling because you don't have to get your blood taken.
I see the purple shadows under your eyes trying to fade
As you stay up all night refusing to take the prescribed pills.
I see you never breaking a bone.
You're getting bigger.
You're getting weaker.
Remember when you were so small you couldn't reach the top of the counter.
Remember when your age matched the size of your clothes.
Remember how you hiked the 7 mile hike with only a bottle of water and some peanuts while juvinile rhumethoid athritis gnawed at your fighting joints.
Remember walking to your mother's house with bags of clothes and war paint
Walking up the stairs you haven't seen in so long.
Knocking on the door
And waiting for it to open.
Remember when you dropped a bag and reached your hand out
To catch the last raindrop of the storm
As the door opened.
Remember how you assumed it would end.
And always remember to say,
"It's Raining!"
