The Weird Insights of a Scobberlotcher

Forty-three Sounds Dark Foggy Yellow

The look didn't really suit a baby face that wouldn't have known a blunt razor from a sharp. Was this kid even twenty? He was agitated and hostile. Hostile? After I'd saved his ass from the cops? Ungrateful little puke. I turned the first card over in front of him.

"This is the Knight of Swords. It's your significator card. It represents you for the purposes of the reading. A young man striving. Charging ahead. Looking to take on new challenges."

Which was absolute bullshit. I picked it because it looked just like him. A misguided trouble maker tilting at full speed toward the meat grinder. Then directly on top of it I placed the one I'd casually palmed while shuffling the deck. Tricks of the trade were coming fast.

"This one's The Tower. Indicates conflict, unforeseen catastrophe. In this position it's supposed to indicate the general atmosphere surrounding you. Has something bad disrupted your life recently? Apart from the police chase?" Another page right out of the gypsy handbook.

I was staring steadily down at him when something inside him went off violently. I could see him desperately trying to contain it but he couldn't. His eyes bulged. His pursed lips burst open in a yelp and his insolent look shattered. Then he bowed his head and started sobbing. I let him carry on for a bit before interrupting.

"O.k., what is it? Tell me! What happened?"

He sniffled and spoke into his lap where he his hands busied themselves with nervously rubbing together.

"I feel terrible. Like the whole world has turned black. I don't know why but it's so bad I just want to kill myself. And there's this... this light. Oh my God, I've got this light... it's shining... it's shining right next to my asshole. I think I'm going crazy."

I didn't reply right away. I was distracted by his smoky simulacrum vomiting words of glistening, black and silver striped snakes caught out under a harsh, midday desert sun. They wriggled and slithered by one after another desperately searching for a cool place to burrow. Ewww, snakes in my brain! I hate snakes. Spiders probably would have done the trick. But then, who am I to second guess a vision.

Then the kid looked up and caught my attention. He wasn't just shattered anymore. He looked pathetically imploring. Time to get on with the job.

"So tell me," I asked as casually as possible, "is it flashing?"