Sock Reviews (Harsh Critiques for Serious Authors)

Anon

Biggest Issue:  Clogged Scenes

Personal Score: 3/10

For readers interested in surrealistic word choice, long syntax and very descriptive imagery of the environment, blackrosedrop uses all three to high extremes in her book. Anon is rather wordy, and though I have no issue reading long (or run-on) sentences, it would disrupt my flow every few pages. There is something to be said about her descriptions, however. They are strange. And in a good way. 

I enjoy experimentation, in any media. The author of Anon often takes bounds and leaps when comparing or describing the world. She describes her blood as "broken" and her DNA as possessing a "dangerous glitch." These are combinations I've never had the pleasure of hearing before, and honestly, I wish the author would take more risks like this. Unfortunately, the first-person POV doesn't compliment this style. The author often seeks out the mindsets of other characters (such as a mentally ill man in the first chapter) and describes them. Without that omnipresence that a 3rd person view can have, this issue took me out of the story once or twice. No matter how well it is described, the narrator cannot know what goes on in the heads of others, and having her do so immediately pulls me out of the story. 

Anon's writing, in and of itself, is very surreal. The reader cannot take too many things literally, especially in the first scene. Her description of the waiting room and its inhabitants is dreamlike - which is the best word to describe how I felt about the overall work. There are points when this becomes confusing, and a re-read in in order to understand the scene. My advice would be simpler, shorter paragraphs. Especially when describing character actions or setting. The author uses many good examples of fun language and interesting word choices, but it is to overbearing. Sprinkling it throughout the story would both enhance the world and new ideas. 

xxx

blackrosedrop's world building has a special kind of surrealism to it. Much like her descriptions, Anon's background feels a few notches under normal. There are times when her characters become hypocritical in their thoughts and actions. Many of the characters feel almost flat in their emotions and talk as if they are just going through the required actions. The main character, Ashley, is introduced in a waiting room, describing the setting and her sour-faced mother. 

Some of Ashley's actions cause strange reactions as well, such as her purposefully taking her time getting up from the chair when her therapist comes to see her. 

"I began to stand, moving each limb as slowly as agonizingly possible. Then I stretched out my shoulders , releasing a long yawn I had been hiding in my throat. The tension evaporated as the previous girl, now leaving with her mum by the stairs, fought to muffle a snigger. 

Mrs. Morris' pink-pigmented smile fell flat. I couldn't help it , it was a part of my affliction: I hungered to know what made people tick."

In this scene, Mrs. Morris is upset that Ashley takes her time leaving her chair. While it could be valued as a insert into Ashley's character (her needing to know what sets people off), it seems rather mild compared to her personal thoughts. She sees herself as dark and twisted (her words, not mine) and so I was expecting this main character to be just that. Dark and twisted, and doing things that would seem immoral to an outsider. There's a reason her blood is broken. Her going out of her way to annoy Mrs. Morris is mild and she did so to elicit a laugh from a sad girl. This could be seen as nitpicking, but it feels rather hard to pin point Ashley's exact personality when it flip flops in between paragraphs. If she was twisted, would she treat the girl with kindness? Small details like this appear through the chapter, and are biggest reason the characters feel so inconsistent this early in the story. 

Her mother exibhits the same behavior in this following paragraph:

"I had to agree with Mum, I was disappointed too. She wouldn't understand the strange fascination I had to meet the woman with the power to label me insane."

There are a few issues I have regarding this. One, the mother is disappointed that they have not yet been called into their appointment. But in the very next sentence, Ashley feels the need to bring up that her mom cannot understand her fascination. The two sentences are stacked together without any real transition between them. They feel contradicting. However, the author did make it clear where the mother stands - that her feelings towards Ashley are to seek a cure, and that a cure will be found. Eventually. 

Second, Ashley claims that she has a fascination with the woman who will label her insane. I assume this means Mrs. Morris, as she is introduced in the next scene, but Ashley acts indifferent and aloof during their therapy session. She ignored Morris' words and instead acts highly defensive. This just leaves me wondering why the details for her fascination were needed when they served no real purpose. 

Moving on, the dialogue is boring. Compared to the thoughts of our narrator, which is often bold and far-fetched, the people around her say what needs to be said. I wouldn't recommend the author change this. In fact, I would encourage them to emphasize this. The world they have created already feels slightly off, and if the protagonist was treated just as strangely and out of place, the theme of madness can come off more powerfully. 

Overall, Anon is still in its early stages, and I wish the author well and hope anything I said helps. Personally, I could not make it past the first chapter. I would recommend those with short-attention spans do not pick it up, but anyone who enjoys slow builds and beautiful descriptions - that can, at times, clog a scene - they might find it worth their time.