Underlying Emotion

Chapter One

A burst of cold air rushes through the window, as I slowly open my eyes for the first time today. I look around the room disoriented, tired of waking up alone. I check my phone, no calls. I close my eyes and exhale, great, another day. I kneel down against my bed, eyes still closed.

“Cas, I miss you. I need you. I don’t know where you are or what you doing, but if you can here me, please, please, come home,” I pray, almost in tears, as I have every other day since his absence. And I look around to see the empty room, like every other day, so I get up and wipe my tears, only to remember how it felt to hold him, to hug him, to laugh with him and start crying again. I pull my hair to maybe stop the pain, but it doesn’t work. I pick up the bottle of Jack on my nightstand and drink straight from the bottle, drinking till I don’t feel this hole in my heart.

I stumble into the kitchen to find Sam at the table eating a muffin and reading the paper.

“I think we may have a case man,” he says, holding up the front page of the paper, "A local was mauled by an animal, his heart missing. Sounds pretty wearwolfy to me.”

I nod, buzzed and unable to focus.

“Yeah okay, we should check it out,” I say, not realizing how much I’m slurring.

“Are you drunk?! It’s like noon, I thought you were over this shit.”

“I’m fine, okay?” I mumble sternly, trying to get him off my mind.

“What’s this about?”

“Nothing, I just decided to drink a little…”

“A little? You’re stumbling everywhere… is this about Cas?”

“I’m sure he’s fine…” I lie, a piece of me dying at the thought of what he could be doing… if he’s hurt…

“Dean, cmon, I know how you feel about him.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know you love Castiel!”

I scoff, shake my head and sit down, grabbing the paper from him to read about the story. Maybe a case is just what I need to get him off my mind.

“Sam, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I mean I care about him, but I don’t love him… not like that…”

“Please, it’s written all over your face.”

“I think you’re right about the werwolf, we should go check it out.” I say, changing the subject. In a matter of minutes were on the road to Cincinnati.