I'm sorry for this deppressing stuff but, i need this OFF my mind!
Why cant i stop looking his way whenever he comes near me? I cant stand seeing him but I love it anyway! It's been like this for a year, just seeing him around school, wishing hed talk to me, and sometimes he did.
Then we met by accident at the library, and when i seen him come through the door i swear my heart skipped a beat. We sat there for hours talking and i felt as if I'd perish there from happiness! But I didnt want to all the same.
After that I wanted to tell him how i felt, even though in my heart another was there, and this tore at my head for days! Until my dear friend made it much much worse. She told my he felt the same and my heart tore to two, one or the other? But before I could find the answer the chance was torn from me,
I walk to him one day, hoping to tell him the truth, he's wearing a gas mask his friend let him use. "My girlfriend is terrified of gas masks!" He lauged gesturing to the thing atop his head, then the world spins round me as I fill with dread.
"Ah I see," I say smiling a smile so fake, but he doesnt notice it, who could? My fake smiles exist so often you could never tell truth from false. I laugh faux-happily as we continue to talk, My feels though it beats unconsistantly like a broken clock.
For a while I pin the thoughts of him to the back of my head, to focus on more "Important" things like school instead, but evry time i seen him my smile seemed to fade, and the pin in my head buckeld and gave, so now my heart was ton, with no thread strong enough to fix it, not even my brother could, who could fix most things bad, but alas he still made me feel just a little less sad.
So the other was the only one left inside my heart, but the more i spent with him through my dear friend kale my feelings for the other just grew apart. And that day we and two friend spent together, will be in my mind now and forever, because that night outside alone where the stars lied, he grabbed my by the shoulders to look me in the eyes, he asked me what had been bothering me for the whole time i had avoided him, So i decided to tell him what had been in my heart for so long.
He stood there and shock then laughed weakly and told me he had felt the same too, but he still loves the girl he held closer to his heart.
And now since that night we spend so much time together, i avoid touching him so my heart will not wether, but still with evry smile i fall deeper, evry small word, smile hug, and even goodbye it all gets worse, why does he have to be so adorable..... saying "gee... thank you" If I give him the simplest bluebell!?
Now my mother knows for she asked when i wept, and told me not to be around him "Its nothing but infatuation, dont worry, you'kk get over it!"
Ive liked people for four or five years at a time! And hes the first that i had cried over! Im sorry mom, but this time my heart will not tide!
