What now?

thanksgiving

  To:Ashley

Subject: I want to die

Currently it's 10:23pm on 11/25/2005. I spent all day baking for Jack's thanksgiving surprise, and the food turned out great. I biked 10 miles to his house, food in bag, and when I got there I eagerly knocked on the door. No one answered, so I decided to just go in, because maybe he didn't hear me, right? Wrong. As I entered the house I heard squeaking and noises coming from upstairs, and my stomach dropped. I dropped my bag on the floor and froze. Why did I freeze Ashley? why am I such a coward? I stood there for like 5 minutes standing like an idiot and just listening, and then got the courage to finally go upstairs. When I got to the front step I was facing his room, and I just wanted to run home and never look back, but the door was closed and I needed to know the truth. I'm such an idiot. I'm so stupid. I opened the door and guess what I saw. The bully, the dweeb, the girl. My mortal enemy was on top of him!! My Jack...or I guess hers. Was he ever mine? I didn't know what to do, so I just ran. I turned around, ran all the way outside, then jumped on my bike and just started peddling. Now that I think of it, I left my bag there. I'm such an idiot. Why do I never do anything right. How could I not know he was cheating on me!!! He didn't like me; he never liked me. I have to go, I need to go, I just need to leave.

-Lilly 

  To:Ashley

Subject:Goodbye

It's the same day, 11/25/2005 and I'm writing to say goodbye. Please forgive me, don't be mad. This isn't your fault, it's mine. I should have been better, I should have tried harder. I just can't take this anymore. I am failing out of school, everyone hates me and even you are now ignoring me. I am scared. I am scared to go to school. I am scared of what my parents will think. I am scared of death. Yet I don't care anymore. I just need to die. This is the only way I will be happy. I would say I love my parents and I love you and all that, but it's not true. Everyone has abandoned me, and I am done. Once I die no one will care, no one will even notice I am gone. Goodbye Ashley.

-Lilly 

I looked at my calendar. It was 11/26/2005, the day after this email was sent. At this point I was panicking. I was shaking so bad that I could barely grab my phone, and when I finally did, I had to wait for it to turn on. Waiting the three seconds for it to turn on, it seemed like an eternity. As the home screen popped up, a picture of us, I saw the notification that there were 70+ missed calls, all from her. I called her, but she didn't answer. I redialed, but again I got her voicemail. She couldn't be dead. She was just messing with me. I turned off my computer and went back to sleep. She will answer me in the morning.