Confused Thoughts

Why does it hurt so much? Why is it, no matter how many pain killers I take, my mind just keeps yelling, screaming, talking, whispering. It hurts to bad, all of it. If I had one wish, I would wish for it all to stop, to be happy again and not be so god damn confused about every little thing there is. You hurt me the most weather you believe me or not, you're the one who made me fall down and crash hard and never want to move. You hurt me, you broke me and I can never be fixed.

My head is pounding so hard that nothing makes sense, but everything hurts. Its running faster than before and I don't know how to make sense of any of it. I don't know what's right and what's wrong, what's good and what's bad, what's meant to be and what's not meant to be, what's real and what's fake.

In the bottom of my stomach I have this feeling, almost like being betrayed by someone you trust the most, or is that the taste that's in the back of my mouth, or is it both? Is this pain laced with the feeling in the bottom of my stomach and that taste I have in my mouth? Or is it something else, is this pain, the feeling in my stomach, and the taste in my mouth all three different things? And what about this mind of mine, how its always running running running like the road its running on and never ends.

"Confusion's all I see, frustration surrounds me, sedation what the hell?" 11 words that keep running through my mind, 11 words to a song that never leaves my head. Its like its trapped and its never going to get out, like I'm stuck with it forever until I find the key to open the door. But the key to the door can never be found because there is no key to this door that has no lock and no handle. But if this door has no lock and no handle, than how can it be a door at all, how is it not just a part of the walls that surround my head and how did this all get in there, but not be able to get back out?

These are just a few of the piles and piles of questions my mind thinks at once. Its weird because it wont just all start to slowly pile up and then be like full force thoughts, it all comes at once like being splashed with water, but the water never ends.