The Trouble With Love (SHOEY Fanfic) DISCONTINUED

Falling on my Knees (Chapter 12)

***EDITED May 24th***

It's been about a month since I tried committing suicide again. From what I know, Sawyer and Izzy didn't find out.

I was pretty glad that I could continue trying to get better without having them worry even more about me.

I had slacked off on my vlogs to maybe a five minute Vlog a day. Most of my time was spent trying to create a plan to get Shane, drawing, and exercise.

I'm surprised I haven't pulled a muscle yet, considering I work out every hour. I was starting to look a lot buffer, and my muscles were more toned. I was pretty proud of myself.

I had started eating my usual amount of food again, and more because of my constant exercise.

If I flipped through my notebook, there would be 36 new, detailed drawings. I did a few every day depending on my mood.

But I was slowly pulling myself together, trying to tear away from the depression. It seemed to never let go. Every morning I woke with fatigue, a dull cry of sadness in the back of my mind, and a churning in my stomach.

But there's one hope that I cling to.

Shane will be mine.

**********************

I sat on the couch watching Sawyer edit his latest video.

Izzy was curled up into my side, holding Hitch. She was a bit more understanding of me, now that she realized how torn i am. But every once in a while, an "If you hadn't fallen for him, this never would have happened." slips from her mouth.

Honestly, I still feel like I'm keeping Izzy from getting better with my love for Shane.

I remember a few weeks ago I was having another meltdown. It wasnt that bad, just the feeling of hopelessness kinda took root in my mind and I needed to talk to Izzy about it.

"I don't understand..." I was crying. "W-why did he have sex with m-me, if he isn't g-gay?" She shrugs, on the edge of tears herself.

"I don't know... He was off that day... He emotionally abused me a lot before you came over."

"B-but he seemed fine when we started filming..."

"It's the camera, Joey. The camera's gone, he's his normal abusive self. The camera's there, he puts on an act. He doesn't want to get caught. Duh."

I blinked and the memory ended. That conversation kind of explained things. But I still don't understand why he would pretend to love me.

I sighed, bored of TV. I need to go work out in a few minutes...

"Sawyerrrr...." Izzy whined and he looked over, worry glittered in his eyes.

"Now?" Sawyer stood up and sat on the couch next to me. Izzy sat up and looked at me guiltily.

"Umm... Joey? I kinda need to tell you something..."

"Yeah? What is it? You can tell me."

She looked into my eyes with a sad smile on her face. What now...?

"I'm pregnant."

"What?!?!" I jumped to my feet. "WHO?! When!?" I felt a rush of anger and I clenched my fists.

She winced and I settled down a little. I can't believe this... She's only sixteen, for crying out loud!

Sawyer pulled me back down on the couch, shooting me a look.

"M-my boyfriend... H-he r-raped me..."

My heart dropped to my stomach. My best friend... Raped by that moth-....

"We went out on a date a few weeks ago, and he brought me home with him. He w-wanted to have sex, but I told him no... He did anyways..."

That son of a b-.... I will kill him.

I remember meeting him once when he come over to pick Izzy up. He seemed okay, I just thought he was a jerk.

Seems like he's more than a jerk...

I looked back to Izzy, who was staring at the floor with tears streaming down her fair face.

I leaned over and pulled her into a hug. She didn't deserve all this pain. Why can't I just forget about Shane and help her?!

She doesn't deserve this. To raise a baby on her own at sixteen, almost seventeen.

I rubbed her back and kissed her forehead. She looked up at me with sad, tired eyes and sighed.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No... Of course not. I could never get mad at you. I'm mad at that asshole who knocked you up." I paused, rubbing her shoulder. "Are you keeping him or her?"

"Yes. Do you and Sawyer mind a little one running around?"

I admit, I was a bit excited. I like babies, for the most part. When they're really little it's nice to sit and cuddle. Then they get older and start to hate you. But I can deal.

"Of course not! This will be amazing!"

She just sighed and nodded. I don't blame her for being upset about this whole thing. She never needed a child at this age.

*****************

I was sitting at my desk, all light fading in the window. I got up to close the blinds and get my camera. I figured I might as well end my Vlog.

I said a few words, not mentioning Izzy's situation. My fans knew she was living with us, but nothing more. They were actually starting to ship #Sizzy for Sawyer and Izzy. It was a cute ship, but Izzy thought it would be gross since she sees him as her brother.

I put up the camera.

Finally I got over the original shock of Izzy being pregnant. Right now I was stressing over how I could be with Shane without upsetting Izzy.

I guess some things need to be left until you get a nudge.

I slowly stripped to my boxers, lost in thought. I dropped to the floor and did about 35 push-ups. I seemed to be getting stronger every day, with each minute of exercise I spent, my muscles were stronger.

After I finished, I climbed into bed, snuggling into the duvet.

********************

I sat upright and my eyes shot open. I looked to the clock, which read 2:37 am.

I finally know. I know how to take back what is mine. Shane will not be happy, but it will work.

I'll be sure of that.

AN-

Sucky chapter. Next chapter gets somewhat exciting, though.

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Xoxo,

Karrie