The Origins of Metal

Part 1: Death Metal

Ahh, Death Metal. Don't we all just love it? It's brutality, It's rhythm, It's way of letting you understand it. But have you ever thought about how it was invented? Of course not. Which is why I'm going to tell you about it's Origination.

Long ago, at a local Village concert in North Carolina, millions of people gathered up inside a pub to watch live music. Just like every other day, a local band would come to perform some could old rock music to entertain the audience. The crowd loved it. The performers would love it even more as they got paid more than you could imagine...well, more than any drunkard could imagine. Nothing would change. On Friday night 's the doors would open to anyone who likes rock music, and millions would push their way in just to get close to the stage, which was as small as a postage stamp. Bands would perform. People would drink until they fall over, and then leave when there were no bands left to perform for the night. But everything changed until one fateful night.

It was all going normal on this fateful Friday. Bands came in and set up their stuff, then left the stage spotless for the next band to perform when they were done. Then one specific band went up to the stage. They stood on there, awkwardly. They called themselves... what was it again? Oh yes, they called themselves Flying Frogs. People loved 'em. But then, someone in the crowd started choking on their food. The vocalist told the band to stop the music so that the person could be helped. Someone in the crowd punched the person's stomach, and the small bone went flying right out of his mouth, through the roof...literally.  Everyone cheered, and the vocalist was relieved. He told the crowd that as a celebration for this rescue, the band would play a great song. But when the band started playing, their equipment wasn't working...or at least the bassist's amp wasn't. He got so mad that he threw his plectrum as the drummer. The drummer got so mad that he started hitting the drums harder than ever. The band thought it was a good beat, so they went crazy and played the shit out of their guitars. The vocalist looked at them and laughed. Remember that bone? yeah, it flew back down through the roof, and the vocalist was laughing so much that he didn't see the bone coming straight towards him. And of course, it hit his face. 

"Who the fuck did that!?" He shouted. He continued screaming, long and hard. "I don't know who you are, but when I find you, I'll cut you in half and dress myself in your Entrails!" The crowd loved it. They started to call all that noise on the stage 'Death Metal'. The band immediately got a great record producer to make them big. 

The band one day sat down to come up with a new band name, as their current name wasn't suitable enough for the genre. The bassist said, "How about Sky of Blood?" The band looked at each other in amazement. " That's genius!" said the lead guitarist. Then the vocalist butted in, "yeah, but you're the bassist so nobody cares. How about we call ourselves Dying Dogs? It sounds the same as our old name, so people will know it's us" The rest of the band looked at the vocalist. The record producer came into the room just at that moment. "Hey guys, get your instruments so we can start recording" "Sure" said the bassist. They got all their shit together and started performing random stuff. "By the way, I love the new band name" said the producer. The band stopped. They looked at each other and immediately ran into each other, hitting each other with their instruments, making the biggest load of noise ever. The record producer recorded it and posted it online. He called the video "Dying Horse Guts (OFFICIAL VIDEO)" and it immediately got millions of views and likes. The band has ever since been famous.

And that, my friends, is how Death Metal was invented.