I feel like there's nothing inside of my chest, where my heart's supposed to be. I hate the person I am becoming. People look at me sideways wherever I go, and some kid had said to me today, "Why doesn't your dad stop doing drugs and get out of jail?" I had just stared at my hands and watched them relax beside of me... I had no idea of what to do next. I was completely clueless of what to say, or do, or think. My mind was blank. All of the sudden I punched a wall. How is it that I am becoming my own person? How is it that everyone in my life is slowly disappearing? The person I used to know is not the person I know now.As I sit alone in the dark, someone walked into my room and sees me just sitting in silence. Silence and surrounded by darkness. It was my mom. She had asked me why I was sitting alone in the dark. I had told her that I like it in the silence and darkness. After that, she had just walked away like nothing ever happened. I thought that everyone I have ever known was disappearing right before my eyes. But it turns out,my brother has stayed by my side since I was 8. Everyday is the same, I try to find my way through the crowd in high school. Everyone tells me that time heals everything. Well, they're wrong. Time heals nothing. Everyone tells me things will get better if I keep my head up and don't worry about it, yeah right. I've sat in darkness all my life, and my parents have ignored me through my hardest times. The times my brother was there to comfort me through the pain I have endured throughout my life. It's like he was the little speck of light that shone through the darkness for me. I have looked up to him as my father figure since I was little. I've never really had a father in my life, much less a father figure. To me he can't be replaced by anyone at all. He knows me like nobody else does... He calls me his little sister, even though I'm not his little sister. The next day he had told me that he's going off to the marines, and I lost it. I had broken down crying in his arms, and I didn't even realize it. He had hugged me tight and said, " I know you'll miss me but I'll be back. I don't know when, but I promise you this, I will be there for you. Maybe not in person but always in your heart." After that him and I went to celebrate my 14th birthday. It was only him and I, and we had a very close bond after that day. Every second that I couldn't talk to him or text him, is torture. He's the only one I can truly trust in my life right now. Because of my past, I can hardly trust anyone anymore. Then he popped up in my life when I was only eight years old and basically raised me. I'm 14 years old now and he's 19... We've grown apart since my birthday, but we still text often and he sometimes stops by the house to say hi maybe grab a bite to eat.
