Hi there. Jonghyun just died. He is dead mentally and physically. Hard to accept, but what can we do. God has made this plan. He prepare something for Jonghyun oppa and all the Shawols up there.
Hard to believe that you have left the group oppa. I mean forever and never coming back. All those little yet big things you did are all so special. Your voice, dance, talents all of them are our joy.
I am so shock. I just know it today. 19 December 2017. 1 day after he died. I was in a camp for 3 days with no handphone or electronic in our hand. After a hella long day, saying goodbye to friends that I may not meet again.
I ran to my mom wanting to hear all the good news and what she said is "Jonghyun Shinee is dead". At that point in the streets, my eyes started to make a huge clouds ready to fall. I held my tears as hard as I can.
I ran to the car, open the doors, seat in the back and cry. My mom need to talk to someone first so I am really glad. Why? I haven't cried infront of her for 7 years. Believe me or not it is true. I never open myself really big to anyone not even my bff.
Rain, thunder, lightning all drenched down from my eyes to my knee. I cried so hard and then my mom open the door and sit in the driving seat. She said "Are you hungry? Do you want anything". I dont answer her and just pretend to sleep while putting my jacket over my face.
The ride was pretty long. I cried quietly. My jacket.. Very wet. I calm myself down and we arrived at home. I tidy everything up , grab my phone , change my clothes, go up stairs and then I cried. It is too hard to believe.
Jonghyun oppa.. He is the third bias when I joined kpop, 7 years ago. The lights are all off, I sit on my bed checking the news. It is all over my Instagram, Line, Twitter. I was shaking in fear, I'm afraid, I need someone to hug me. Yep, no one come and no one know until now.
My world just break down in to pieces. Tears all just fall down, I play my music as loud as I can as usually.
Jonghyun oppa, Thank You, Sorry, I love you
Those words come out of my mouth over and over again. Crying, mumbling, tossing over here to there, throwing my pillows, making my bed messy. I just did it. My eyes hurt. Red.
My mind's a mess and my heart's a wreck.
All of us. You who are reading this. All of us. That describe us when he heard from SM that he is dead. I cannot give him hope. He still can live yesterday. I didn't know. Yesterday, I feel so blank. The weirdest feeling I've ever had.
Anger and frustration boils inside. Why does he leave us? Why it has to be his sister? What about the members? What about his friends? It feels like someone just cheated on me. He has let us know through his song "Let me out"
Someone please hold me, I'm exhausted from this world
Someone please wipe me, I'm drenched with tears
Someone please notice my struggles first
Please acknowledge the poor me
Please help me
But he is only human. And he bleed when he falls down. He is only human. And he crashes and he breaks down. Haters words in his head, knives in his heart. Shawols build him up and then he fall apart
'Cause he is only human. He is just a human now an angel. Let's just accept this. I hope this is a dream a nightmare. Don't suicide, the world needs you like you needs Jonghyun.
When you miss his voice like I do. Hear his song and cry. You are also human. A very special human. You are beautiful, handsome, smart, loved, SPECIAL.
I love you. Even if I don't know who the hell are you or even if I know you. I truly appreciate your presence in this world.
Don't fight, don' t speak in bad language. Every words that come out through your mouth can bless people yet kill people. Like Jonghyun oppa he is dead inside for a long time. He gave us fake smile. Then he realized that is not good. He suicide, now he is mentally and physically dead.
How good is he? You people just make him look bad. Now he is known as someone who kills a lot of someone. He left this awfull world because God has made a perfect plan for him up there.
I hope you took this as a lesson to mind your words. And remember you are special, your wound are made for you to stand up after you fall.
Be more open to others and tell someone that you trust about your problem.
God will never ever gives us any situation that we cannot handle. Keep praying and believing that you can do all things. Cuz nothing is impossible.
I'm here to support you, your family is there, your friends, people that you love, they are all always there for you.
And SM need to take this as a lesson. Their idols are suffering a lot. Let's pray and say good things to them and hope for the best.
I'm sorry I'm not that good at something like this. My grammar is just a mess. I'm sorry. Rest In Peace Jonghyun oppa and Shawols that suicide.
사랑해♡
