Sometimes I feel numb. I feel like nothing matters, that I am nothing. I just happen to be here right now and maybe I will just happen to stop being here tomorrow.
Everything I do, or think, or feel, does not matter at all. It does not have any impact in this world. Nothing will change if I am not here. As I look through the bus window in this one hour trip I cannot help but think about all this. To most people this is probably stupid, nonsense, but as I go through the day I cannot stop asking myself: "why am I doing this?" Surely, most times I can easily find a logical answer: "because you need money", "because you have to eat", "because..." Yeah. It is not difficult to find an answer to that question, but is also easy to keep asking "why do I have to do those things?" This world does not care about me. We are as relevant to this world as a fly. Us humans just conquered everything that we have now, we have evolved and adapted our surroundings to meet our needs. It took a lot of time and effort to be where we are now. However, it can all end in an instant. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few years... and there are so many possible causes for our demise: nuclear war, natural disasters, overpopulation, mortal diseases... We do not seem to be aware of how fragile we are. How ephemeral our existence is. And how irrelevant we are in opposition to how important we believe we are.
But when I felt the crush all I could think of was "I want to be here tomorrow".
