Shawn Mendes one shots

Too Much

Word count: 2,5k

My back was resting against the soft, white pillow. I pulled the covers higher, covering my entire body. I felt cold, but it had nothing to do with the temperature in the bedroom, it was all about the enormous fight Shawn and I had earlier. Fighting with him always made me feel so cold, so tired and completely drained from any sort of energy. Fighting with him made me fel numb. I was reading a book or at least trying to, but I hardly managed to read a single page. I just kept reading the same sentence over and over again.

Honestly, I just needed something to distract me from the fact that Shawn had left the apartment in anger hours ago, yelling hurtful things I couldn't hear clearly and I hadn't heard a word from him since.

I turned the page in my book as if it would suddenly make me read the words, sighting heavily. Shawn had these mood swings lately; we would be completely fine one moment - the next - he'd be screaming at my face and I would have no clue what trigged him.

He usually got a little moody when he was stressed, but this... this was different. When he got upset, I couldn't reach him. He became too distant and he pushed me away. Shawn turned into a complete different person and I didn't know how to deal with that. Or how to react when he went off.

I leaned my head back in the pillow, shutting my eyes tightly. My hands were still shaking and though hours had passed, I still couldn't get them to stop.

My mind rushed back to Shawn banging his fist into the table and pushing a vase so it shattered all over our white floor. I had never seen him like that, as upset and as angry.

Worst part of it? I didn't know why.

I could deal with his anger but I couldn't deal with the not knowing part. I was usually good at reading him; when he was tired, when he was stressed, when he felt lost or homesick. But this time, I just couldn't. He was too far out of my reach, too far for me to comfort him.

The pain rushed over my body once again and I felt the nagging feeling spread in my chest again. I had to bite down my bottom lip roughly, so I wouldn't let out a loud sob. My eyes glanced at the clock hanging on the wall and my gut dropped just a bit further.

4 hours.

A sharp pain cut into my chest, ripping up my skin, leaving me behind to bleed out.

Suddenly, I heard the front door unlock. Only a second later, I heard those tiny footsteps in the hall moving towards the bedroom. I swallowed the lump in my dry throat, but I still felt the sickness spread from my stomach.

Though I deep down knew Shawn would come back, it wasn't until now, I could finally take a deep breath without strangling in the cold air.

My eyes fell down to the pages in my book again, while I tried forcing my hands to stop shaking. He walked into the bedroom without saying anything, without making any noise, without even looking at me.

I'd rather have him scream at me or send me angry looks, than I'd want this awful silence between us. It was hanging thick in the air. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I didn't have the courage to do so. This distant and disconnection we felt right now, it was slowly suffocating me.

Shawn undressed himself rather quickly, before he climbed into the bed and pulled the covers over his tense body. He quickly turned his back towards me, switching his bed light off, leaving his side of the room completely dark.

I hated when we did this, when we went to bed angry with each other. I hated it more than anything in the world. I couldn't sleep through this pain; laying in bed beside each other, but being as far from each other as we possibly could. It was a nightmare.