DARKNESS

Inner beauty they say matters, in my situation, I don't believe anybody will get that from me. I believe all they will see in me is darkness and emptiness.

Hello, my name is Charmane Bright.
Only problem is that I'm not so... What do they call it?....... Yea! I'm not so positive, neither am i what you would call bright. I currently live in Florida, I'm 20 years old. I would love to summarise my whole life in just nine letters. Which is MISERABLE.

Why am i so depressed? Well here is my little story.

***FLASHBACK***

I once used to be a happy joyful human being, hard to believe right? Well that was seven years back. It was summer, everything so bright and beautiful, I was way happier with the way things were back then. I was going for a walk, as i was replying my best friend Amanda, i bumped into Jayne. World's biggest BITCH! "watch where you're going you piece of shit!"
She told me, instead of the usual insult and comebacks, I shrug it off and try to walk away.
She pulled my hair bringing me to the floor, i push her off me and she grabs my shirt and shreds it there and then leaving me shirtless. Pictures were taken and posted on the internet, then she just disappears into the crowd gathered around me. I feel the tears building up, they begin to roll down my cheeks. I just find my self running to no where. People called me whore, bitch, and all those other bitchy names.
*** END OF FLASHBACK***

Till today, every single moment of it hunts me down, surprisingly i haven't  committed suicide. I bet she's probably somewhere fucking with he 'kind' of people. I decided that it was best to move away from the people who now hate me. I live in the alley in downtown, barley's street. Quite dangerous. Rape and all of that shit happens here, but meh! Who would want to rape me? I must say, I've been cutting away my sorrows. It's way better than feeling like a log of wood just lying there waiting to be kicked around. I'm covered in bruises also, each bruise is to remind me how I've suffered. You see when I was little my childhood wasn't sad or happy... It was just okay. But my dad made it HELL. So some bruises are from my childhood, the ones my dad gave me, and the ones I gave myself.
I always got hit by my dad, because according to the bastard, "YOUR A FUCKING MISTAKE THAT THE UNIVERSE MADE, YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE BITCH! KILL YOURSELF ALREADY!!" Probably wondering about my mom right? Well she was a slut, so it was practically a one night thing. My 'dad' knew if the slut (my mother) aborted me, charges would be pressed against them.
Funny how they didn't still go ahead, people although made fun of my situation. But fuck it, I didn't care. All of these thoughts just coming back and forth in my head. It made me want to hurt myself, just roll down a hill and die, and then the birds and other animals feed on me for survival.   I didn't realise that I was crying until I felt a tear drop on my wrist.

"UGH! fuck! I hate when I cry!"I mumbled to myself. I hated the feeling that showed me I was human, I hated the feeling that I had feelings, words and actions could affect me! I hated it all! I didn't even realise that I was full on crying right now. I was on my knees, blade in my hand, blood stained eyes, blurry vision. And I hear a voice say "stop! Committing suicide doesn't set you free, even if you feel like it. And it hurts the people who care" the man told me. "HA!!" i laughed bitterly at his comment. "who could possibly care about a slut's feelings?" I ask the man dressed in white. I didn't bother asking who he was, but to be honest it was nice having company. He had blue eyes that felt like he could see everything that was going on in my life... Like he could see through me, tall, brown curly hair, and freckles which made him awfully cute. " I care." he says "STOP! you don't know me to start with, how could you possibly care!?" I Shouted, he seemed shocked and so did I. "Look I'm sorry, it's just..." I just sigh frustrated at what was happening right now. "can I ask you something?" I finally get enough balls to speak properly. "go ahead" he says with a faint smile. "how did you find me?" He pauses for what seems like 2 or 3 minutes.
"I was sent to you to stop you, that cut could've ended you"  My eyes go as large as saucers. My eyes full of regret, "really? Well! Why did you stop me!?!"
Venom starting to build up in my voice, and before I knew it, I started to  see flashbacks of my childhood, middle school, highschool, freshman year. Then and now, was all filled with nothing but sadness, emptiness, sorrow, and darkness. No love, Amanda left for England when we were in highschool. She promised to always be there for me, but she could never have stayed for so long, nobody could, not with me. I didn't blame her,  I was once loved, but now....  Now I've learned, if I ever get loved or learn to love... I'll always get hurt at the the end, and one day, just one day. I'll learn to embrace the darkness in me.

For those who showed me love... They saw my darkness. And I'm guessing that's why Amanda left. As I said before, I couldn't blame her,  nobody would ever want to be around me.  I don't know how Amanda learnt to love me, but it sure was a miracle. The only thing I know and I am 100% sure of is my last name 'Bright' isn't suitable for me, it could never be, not if my insides showed my true colour, I'm not sure about this 'inner beauty' shit, but I have none of that. I lost everything, that's why I believe I belong in the dark, where I am covered with the dark sheets so nobody will notice. Just alone..... In the darkness, waiting to be rescued........... hopefully.