The End of a Beginning

I blink against the fresh film of tears,

that's forming over my eyes,

to look at your face one more time,

before you break all ties.

You're still astonishingly beautiful,

you still take my breath away,

your feeble smile still lights up the room,

a bright sun obliterating all gray.

 I close my eyes against the light of your smile,

its more than I can endure,

as the tears I was trying to hold back,

 push against my grieving heart's doors...

And then they finally roll down,

streaking my visage with bereavement,

and remorse clouds over my conscience,

my mind races for an atonement...

I force my eyes open

and scrub away the slipped evidences of pain,

I search your face for a clue to see,

if you'd sensed the thunder or seen the rain...

You look up at me with guileless eyes,

soft, brown and sparkling with wisdom,

their warmth gently thawing away,

the ice  that palisades my soul's kingdom

"Hey.. boys don't cry, remember?"

you quip, passing me a watery grin,

And I almost laugh, stroking your face,

all the way from the temple to the chin

I espy your fingers quivering,

demanding me to take them in mine

and I obey simply so I can feel your touch,

a thing that always made the world seem fine...

Your hands feel all brittle,

and withered just like the rest of your frame,

but your invincible spirit shines through your eyes,

refusing to ever be held tame.

I squeeze your palms as gently as I can,

fearing the slightest pressure might break them,

as this triggers the memory of our first walk down the beach,

the sound of your laugh like the scattering of a zillion gems...

The first time I'd seen you,

helping a bunch of kids cross the road,

your hair flipping back and forth wih every stride,

and my heart leaping into my throat...

I remember how you stayed on my mind,

after the first time you made my heart beat,

the rest is the loveliest history,

that alas will never ever repeat.

I remember how you showed to me the magic

of a sunset or starfish at the shore of the sea,

how you smiled trough all your predicaments,

watching little children laugh with glee