"Are you alright?" People hovered above me with concerned looks on their faces. I couldn't do anything because I was stuck. Stuck in pain. Frozen in fear. I could hear my teeth chattering and see my breath as I struggled to breath in the cool December air. I felt the hot tears stream down my face as if a volcano erupted, my eyes saw everything and yet nothing. I could feel my chest tighten and for a moment I thought I was going to have an heart attack. My heart couldn't take any more and my body was weak. I felt my body being lifted and said a silent prayer. I closed my eyes and imagined it was God taking me from this cold, cruel, world. I was at the edge of the cliff and no one could save me.
I awakened to my alarm clock going off. The big red letters read six-ten. I sighed as I stood up to brush my teeth and use the restroom. Waking up at this time made things normal for me. I felt back at home with the person I loved getting ready for another long day ahead of us. This time it was just me by myself in my dorm room.
I washed my hands at the sink after using the bathroom. Out the corner of my eye, I could see my reflection mimicking my actions. I dared not look in the mirror. I despised those brown eyes looking back at me. Those brown eyes held betrayal and pain, a problem I did not have the energy to solve. I felt the back of my eyes burn as tears of sorrow made a trail down my cheek. My body anticipated this much needed outlet. I was tired of holding it all in but I would not allow myself to break down. A sob escaped my lips as my body shook forcefully, ready to rip apart at any given moment.
With my back against the wall, I slid down to the cold, cool, floor and hugged my knees. I gently rocked myself as if I was a mother trying to soothe her child. I gripped my knees tighter and pushed them deeper into my chest, trying to keep my body from falling apart. I would give anything to feel normal again.
After my pity party, I stood up and resumed the process of getting ready for another long day. I wet my curly, wild hair before brushing it back and putting it into one big puff. I loved being natural. I embraced everything about it. I skipped makeup as I usually did and applied a thin coat of Carmex to my lips. I headed back into my small room and pulled out my usual pair of sweatpants that I wore every other day and a plain T-shirt, along with socks and my usual plain tennis shoes.
As I passed the mirror, I noticed the small, round, bump that was slowly becoming noticeable from my stomach. I reached down and rubbed the bump, letting joy course through my body. I was in a rough situation but my child I will cherish.
....................................................................................................................................................
I sat inside the huge cafeteria of ISU debating on whether I wanted to eat healthy today or allow myself to eat until I felt guilty. The latter option won. I stood up to only sit back down as I watched my friend Mike walk over to me. I smiled at him as he put his bags down and he returned the smile before speaking.
"Janiah, why you always looking down? You should try smiling more." Mike spoke in a sing song tone. He always tried to make me smile more. Mike was one of the very few people I talked to on campus. He was about 200 Ibs, dark skinned, with a head full of hair. Even though he looked manly, he was as girly as anyone could get.
I rolled my eyes at him and sucked my teeth before replying, "And you should mind your business more and smile less. People are going to think you're crazy, the lady from that Trident commercial don't even smile that much."
I watched as Mike dramatically rolled his eyes before muttering a low bitch under his breath. I ignored him for this was our normal routine. He always offering advice that I would never take. They all did that. Friends, family, everyone could see that I was unhappy and all told me to get over him, to move on. I never listened though. It was easy for them to say and give advice because they aren't in my shoes, they didn't know what we shared, who he was to me, what he meant to me.
I stood from my seat and decided on grabbing a bag of chips. Since our breakup, I didn't have much of an appetite.
I sat at the table with Mike and ate in silence. I think he knew that's what I needed. Every once in awhile I would look up and catch him looking at me with worry in his eyes but it would soon fade and be replaced with a smile as soon as he saw my expression.
I stood from the table and gave Mike a hug. I didn't know what I was going to do but I had to do something. I walked around campus and found a nice, shaded space, on a bench. I pulled out my notepad and pen and began to write...
Father God, I thank you for all that you do
Because when people deserted me, it was you who stayed true
Even in times like this, I forget that I'm okay
Because I know when It's you that I call on, you have already made a way
I closed my notepad and leaned my head against the smooth hollow tree. I closed my eyes and saw his warm, brown face. His big, brown, eyes staring deep into my eyes, searching my eyes for something only he could find. I watched as his soft, pink lips, curved up into a gentle smile, exposing his teeth that was perfect.
"I love you. Always and Forever Janiah." His voice was deep and smooth, intoxicating me with only a few words. Shocks ran up and down my body as I stared back into his passionate eyes.
I opened my eyes and released a deep breath. I had to pull myself together.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note:
Okay guys so this is my first chapter! Let me know what you guys think. Trust me there is much more excitement to come with longer chapters. Make sure you guys vote and follow me!
