The Five Times You Broke Up With Hansol Kim

                He was the world to you, and he knew that, and maybe that was why he tried too hard to be.

            The first time you broke up with Hansol Kim was for his own good, you believed. There were one too many things on his mind, and you couldn’t be one of them. You were 17; you were high maintenance; you were the unwanted wrinkles on his dress shirt.

            You shakily key in your break-up message to him on your phone, being too troubled to tell him face-to-face. You tell yourself it’s because you know he won’t let you go, but you know it’s something else you can’t quite put your finger on.

            You press send and wait for a reply, but within minutes he’s bursting through your door. He takes your face in his hands and kisses you sweetly, leaving you no room to speak. You bask in his attention and try to convince yourself that this isn’t the way things should be, but the taste of his lips was telling you otherwise.

            The next morning, you wake up in his arms, get dressed, and leave. He doesn’t call you.

            A year passes by without any speck of Hansol in your life, and you were too proud to admit you missed him. You longed for the feel of his hands on yours. You wanted to hear his voice again. Your desire to be reunited with Hansol grew stronger every day, and it was getting too big for its cage. Pretty soon, you call him and he answers. He says he’d love to get some coffee with you sometime, and your heart rages in your chest like a twister.

            You put on a dress, careful to show just the right amount of skin, which you knew was more than needed. But you wanted him back, and you needed his attention. You couldn’t achieve that with just conversation, you thought to yourself.

            But you were 18; you were naïve; you thought he was everything.

            He shows up in a hoodie and jeans in typical Hansol fashion and he stares you down with fire burning in his eyes. His eyes meet yours as his mouth quirks up into a smile, and you smile back. You take a seat across each other and proceed with the small talk, both wanting to get to the point and throw the pretense away.

            He takes the first leap, as he always does. He was much braver than your soul could ever hope to be.

            “Are you seeing anyone now?” he asks, bashfully looking up at you through his eyelashes. You try to act reluctant, try to play it coy, but you think he’s adorable and you want him back.

            “No, I’m not,” you answer, glowing with anticipation.

            “Well, you are now,” he says, smirking, and you know you’re in for one hell of a ride.

            The second time you break up with Hansol Kim was inevitable, you presumed, as you stare at pictures of him with another girl. He claims they’ve been best friends since they were little, and he wanted to spend some time with her because she’s moved back into town after five years. You feel your eyes blur into green and you feel your heart protest in disapproval, but you hold back, because you love him.

            You were very light on the chain. You let him spend the night over at her place for days at a time, and you didn’t mouth off when he forgot to text for a week. You tried to be as understanding as you possibly could, because you love him.

            There was, however, one night when love was not enough.

            Your parents were spitting venom at each other’s faces, voices never too loud for the other to top, and you were in your room, cowering in fear. Your parents have had disagreements since you were seven, and you thought you would get used to it, but it awakened the little girl in your heart whenever you heard them going at each other. You dialed Hansol’s number, tears pricking at your eyes, and it took several rings before he picked up.