Last 14th of November

14th of December

"Mom," I started while Mom's still arranging my hair for our Christmas Party. I don't know. But she said I needed to get dressed beautifully because I am a part of the committee for the party, but is it really that necessary?

"I'm going to be late if you're not yet done ironing my hair again and again," I said defeatedly. Seriously, I'm already done applying some powder on my face and a little tint on my lips and she's not so done there.

"Just a little more, Lise," she smiled and I just rolled my eyes.

"I'm going to the mall after, Mom. Thanks again," I smiled as I took a one last glance in my reflection within the mirror in front.

"Okay. Just take care," Mom replied.

I smiled to her and kissed her cheek. "Bye!"

I got to the train within the last minutes before getting late. I almost ran my way to fetch the last ride this morning.

Thankfully, I didn't forget the gift in home, though. That's more important.

When the train was already reaching the station near my school, I glanced at my wrist watch.

Four minutes before seven. You got this, Elise.

And with one run of my fingers against my hair, I ran out of the train the moment it stopped and never thought if my long cardigan would fly against the wind. And if my hair would stick out of my head.

"I am late, aren't I?" I asked Anny, a friend, catching my breath.

I arrived at our room two minutes after the time. But Anny said "it's alright. Some's still not here."

Taking a seat before her, I sighed.

It's been a month.

"So what's your plan now?" I looked at Anny when she asked suddenly.

"Plan for?"

She looked at me. "You still going there after?"

I smiled weakly. Hopeless, aren't I?

Anny knew because she's the only one who knew the whole story. Even there's really nothing to be told between me and him-or her.

"Yeah. I just want to be in that place again for some reason to write, somehow?" I said, unsure.

"Well... look's like your decision's final. It's just sad you can't be with us,"

"Hmm..." I nodded.

-----

"Merry Christmas, Elise! See you next year!" Rhea, Anny's friend that she introduced to me, gave me a tight embrace. She's the one who actually invited me to come with them today but I said I have another thing to do. Anny was the one who explained further.

"Same here, Rie! See you next year," I returned the hug and let go after. "Take care, alright?" I reminded.

"Mom, is that you?" We both laughed and bid the last goodbye.

The party ended at exactly two in the afternoon. I walked again to the train station and waited. My head's slightly hanging low because of too much people walking and passing and walking. But soon as the trained halted in front of me, I stood there inside and fixed my hair from the reflection the transparent window could give.

I roamed around the mall at first. Bought some make up and skin care essentials. Got myself a couple of pens, paper and notebooks even it was already our Christmas break, and went down from the third level to first where Starbucks is located.

"Good afternoon, Ma'am," the guard greeted and opened the door for me. I smiled at him in return.

Still, the aroma of coffee that surrounds the whole place attacked my nose when I came inside. Just paint the sky with mixed shades of dark blue and black, have many people around this café, and I'm sure I will be back to the scenarios that've happened before.

I looked at the cake display. My brows getting knit by the sight of pastries and bread.

But in the end, I still decided to have the same.

"Ryle will just call your name, Ma'am," said the lady that took my order.

I smiled at her. "Thank you," I said, before leaving the counter.

I didn't seat at the same seat before. But I sat where I could see everything again.

I settled my bag within the chair beside me. And pulled out my phone from my pocket and opened my Notes to draft some first paragraphs.

But my mind suddenly went blank and my fingers wouldn't move even I've readied it already to tap letters against my phone's screen.

"One hot caramel machiatto and chicken pot pie for Elise," I heard a gentle call from the counter.

I got my receipt and stood up. Went where I was called from and got my tray.

"Here you go, Ma'am. Enjoy your break," Ryle-his name, I think?-said and smiled which I returned with a soft "thank you," before heading back to my seat.

But the smile before was immediately replaced with a bitter curve of my lips. I didn't know if I can actually enjoy this break if I just really went here to move forward...

Because I thought getting back bere would set me free from the own chains I made to imprison me. And somehow, I can finally forget him when he's just somebody whom I saw from one night of November.

I picked up my phone again. But I closed the Notes and opened Twitter instead.

"I freaking came here to write, not to get hurt. Haha!"

"Why does it feel like this?"

"Can someone come here and join me, please? Joke."

"I feel like crying, really. Lol."

I tweeted while eating the pie and sipping my coffee afterwards.

And at that time, I told myself that, when I decided to leave this cafè, or at least at the last gulp of my coffee I would take to finish it, I should end everything, too.

The feeling of the cold night, the sight of his, the way our gazes locked for a while... and that beautiful guy that I once saw in the same place where I am today.

Because as hopeless as it'll sound, I am hoping that maybe fate or destiny could still give me one more chance to see him even all of me knew that it was just an hour from the whole universe when I saw him that day, and I cannot bring it back... to save myself from being into him in just one glance.