Just One Day [ ChanDara ]

Just One Day [ChanDara FF]

Just One Day

 

I'm Sandara Park; 18, an aspiring writer and diagnosed with cancer. I have been living everyday like my last day, to be happy. But by the end of the day, I always end up in the hospital. That place is like my home, that's where I spent half of my life, with machineries that will help me live.

I envy those people who can do anything they want, people who do not have to stay in this boring hospital. In this secluded place where you can talk to no one but yourself. Where the only scenery you can see is the dirty white ceiling.

I struggle everyday to live. Every time pain strikes my body, I just keep in the aching words that want to gush out of my mouth. I want to look strong in front of everyone. I want to assure them that everything is okay--even though it's not. All I can do is silently cry out the pain alone. All I can do is lie on this bed and stare at the ceiling, acting like it's a human and talk to it.

I have no companions. They left me. They do not want me anymore. They do not want to be with a weak person like me that's why I act strong. Even my parents abandoned me already. Acting like their daughter is already dead.

What is life?

I don’t know. I don’t want to know it's meaning anymore. Not when I only have a day left to live.

Yes.

I only have a day; a day to do all the things I want to do, everything that I have never tried--which is completely impossible. I want to spend my last day with my family but I doubt that they want me back. They already accepted that I'm dead. And I myself accept that I'm going to die.

Treatment?

How about a no? I don’t want to continue with this hell of my life. I don’t want to struggle anymore. I've given up already. Maybe it's already my time to go, that's why this is happening. I want to be with God now. I want to see him and let him aid all the pain I have encountered within the 18 years of my life.

Bullies.

Loneness.

Hatred.

Abuse.

Lies.

No one wants me. At least for today, I hope someone to accept me. I hope someone to love me.

Just for today.

Just one day.

That's all I want.

To be accepted.

I closed my diary and stood up weakly, trying to gain my balance. This body will soon shut down so it's expected to be this futile. I grabbed my bag and placed my diary there. Since I'm going outside, might as well write about the things I saw, so I could re-read it before I close my eyes and sleep for eternity. I walked towards the door and slowly opened it and went out. I want to see the world for the last time.