Every now and then I do some pretty regretful things, I don't really know what to say, a lot of things I've regretted and I want to take them back. But I can't, those regrets that I have to live on till death.i wish death had came sooner and had renewed my soul.although I don't think that will be happening anytime soon. So today, i say it's time to turn over a new leaf.to start anew. And I've said this many times, over and over and not mean it in the slightest.its like a drug, when I'm addicted to it, I will keep doing it, over and over again. but I want to stop it.i want to....but..I just can't..I don't have the will power anymore, when I was younger I had the strength to life cars, be more respectful, be more mature.but here I am just 9 years later sitting on my bed jotting down whatever I feel like.my feelings, my story's that I want to share with everyone.but....my feelings don't really matter, yours do. I don't care what happens to me, as long as your safe, I'll be glad. I mean...if it's not me who's getting tortured it won't hurt...right? I won't feel anything right?, my mind will just drift off. Somewhere, somewhere beautiful filled with blue sky.maybe I'll live once again. In a new stage, a new home.but people may miss me, and people might have to say, "oh good, he's gone" but I'm just here to fill my purpose, I don't care if I have fun or not, it'll be over soon anyway a guy can only live a hundred years, so I have 87 more years to go, before joy arrives, and death.i can't wait....maybe it'll be 79 years or even 47, if I'm lucky. I just don't feel it anymore. I don't care anymore. I'm done, I'm through loving and I'm through everyone...I just can't anymore...I don't want anyone to cry because of me...maybe a rope will be the best choice, or maybe a bullet, quick and painless.i wonder where the souls will go...probably into somewhere I call, between. Souls stay and cherish their lives, me? What will I do? I'll be somewhere far away from happiness, because I don't deserve it. And I don't care anymore. Even writing this, writing down what I feel like, I don't care if their is mistakes , I just don't care anymore, I'm done.