Miss Suicidal

The Yelling

For once I thought that it had a died down to a peaceful night. Guess I was wrong, again. Like every night that he's drunk, he would always come up with a reason to bitch at us. He would ask a question and if he does not like the answer, somehow the fault comes on us. That's just how he is, he is a mental bastard. He only cares for other people besides his family. It is like to him it is not family is first, its others before family. I hurts when you come to think that the person that is supposed to be with you comes up with a problem.

He never did nor will care for the ones he's supposed to care for, he's selfish. I never thought about really ending my life but with him, nothing about me is the same as before. I cut every single day because of him, I draw and write because if him. Somehow I know that there is a little chance for me to get better, but after everything that has happened tonight, I don't think I can help myself at all.

Tonight was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be a night to remember. Well after what happens, it is in fact a night to remember but not the way I was hoping it would be. Yelling, that's all that is heard. Nothing in my life is stabled. Nothing is going to be alright or okay. Everything, every piece of hope that was buried deep in my chest, vanished out of thin air. All because of him yelling, and yelling, and yelling. I can never see light of peaceful ever again. I'm just so tired of all of it,  but then I think of the ones who actually want me here. They would be disappointed in me. They would curse the every second they met me. And for that, I can never forgive myself if thematic ever happened.

It stared with a simple question to Tierra. What might you ask is the question? It so happened to be "What do you want your first job to be?". But I guess that even out of that question, so many things could go wrong. Tierra said that she wanted it to be at Taco Bell. My so called "father" didn't like the answer so he started bitching here and there. Nothing good came out if tonight. At the end, like how every fight ends, he apologizes and Tierra forgives. How naive can she be, right? He always says he's sorry but never once did he actually mean it. I hate that word "Sorry". When people say it, they don't actually mean it. It's disgusting to hear that word. I told myself that I will never like that word. And I never did. I despise the word "sorry". Just typing it makes me want to vomit.

Yelling is all that is hear and is all that will be heard if I keep sticking around like the little naive girl I am.