A Mother's Sacrifice

The way people change is quiet strange

"I Hate you mom. You're the reason I have no friends in school. Because you're weird. And you never even say how you lost your eye. You scare my friends and give the bullies a reason to bully me for. What happened to my dad? People in school say you don’t even know who my dad is. I hate you. I hate you. I wish you were dead." I hear that speech from my son almost every day now. And in a way I am. Dead I mean. A died the day my son started hating me. Gone was the rosy cheerful boy that I had cared for so lovingly. He was becoming an exact image of his father in his meanness. "You will live to regret this day." Yes I regret that day. The day I met his father. I don’t regret having Andrew. I love him so much to regret that. I just regret having him from that man that gave him those genes.

 I go about doing what to do now feeling dead inside. I work to repay Andrew for what I make him go through. I come home cook and clean and do the washing but the happy family we once were was done. My son hated my sight that he doesn’t even eat his meals with me. He prefers sitting in his room watching TV. or surfing the net on his lap top then sit with me. He's 16 now and the older he gets the more he hates me. Several times I nearly slipped and told him the truth about my eye but no. I can’t do that to him. I can’t let him live with that feeling. At least he is growing up strong this way. If I told him it'll totally break him now. He's the only family I have and I will do my best at supporting him as long as he is staying with me; which won’t be long I suspect.

My Andrew fell in love and he got married when he became 18. I was so happy for him even though my heart was crying when his wife forbade me from attending the wedding. But my friend attended and got me a tape of it. He looked so happy and so handsome in his tuxedo. Atlas he was happy once more. I don’t care that I gave up my life by refusing many marriage proposals all through the years that I brought him up. It’s worth it seeing him smile happily with his bride in his arms even if I was seeing it on TV. He's out of the house now and I don’t have anyone to care for. Maybe he'll drop by every now and then but I really doubt that. Not with the amount of hate he grew for me. My baby was all grown up and out of the house now. I’m glad he found the woman to give him the love he deserves.

4 years later my son had two beautiful children. A boy and a girl. He named them Richard, Chad for short, and Diana. Chad was the exact copy of his father when he was the same age and Diana, well she is just as beautiful as the princess she was named after. I've seen them once after begging them since Chad was born and once I’ve seen them Chad started crying so scared of me that I wasn’t allowed to see them ever again. By now I was 40 but I looked 80. And inside I felt like a 100 year old woman waiting for her death. I stopped working and I just stay home all day waiting.

I was feeling weird that day. I wanted to see my Andrew and his angels. I knew he doesn’t want to see me but I just need to. I got dressed and didn’t even bother taking the bus. I walked quickly almost running to my Andrew's luxurious apartment. I knocked on the door a lot but no one opened. Tears started to stream down my face and I was about to turn and leave when the door was opened by a little Chad in his nightie. As soon as he saw me his face crumbled and he started to cry. Andrew and his wife carrying little Diana in her arms came running to see what’s wrong. Diana seeing her big brother cry started crying as well. Andrew looked at me with anger and hatred in his eyes and said "didn’t I tell you not to come over here once more .....” I knew he was talking but I didn’t hear anything. I just looked at them all for a long moment then turned and left. I went home and fell in deep sleep.

"Mr. Andrew there is a phone call for you from your wife." "Ok thanks," I answered picking up the phone. "Hello darling." "Hey honey. I just got a phone call from your mother's friend and he said you're mother died last night in her sleep. She wants you to go to her and take what your mother left you." "Oh ok darling I’ll go over and see what that awful woman left us. Maybe in her death there will be some benefit." I hung up and went back to my work but my mind wondered. She's dead. I've wished her dead since I was 8. And here she is finally dead. I finished work at 6 and went to get what she left me. I got her apartment that I was sure I was going to sell at once and a letter that left me bed-ridden with guilt for the rest of my life.

 "Dear baby boy,

I've kept the story a secret from you your whole life for your sake but by the time you read this letter I’ll be dead and I wish that after reading it you'll forgive me and remember the good moments we spent together. Baby your father rescued me after my mother died and I loved him dearly but when he found out I was pregnant he left us and since then I don’t know anything about him. So I took it upon me to give you the best life I can possible. But something went wrong at birth and a vein popped in your eye making it useless to you. I couldn’t bare the thought that you will live with a blind eye so I had my eye transplanted instead of your bad one since we had the same eye color and you would never know the difference. I loved you from the day you were born and my life revolved around you. When you started being bullied because of me I wanted to die but I hope you forgive me so that I can rest in peace. I love you and always did. Good bye my baby Andrew. Your mommie."