Behind The Mask

Chapter 22

Michael’s POV

I touch down in LA and quite suddenly get a headache. It’s like a visceral response to the separation from Anouk. I hated the whole flight, I got a little panic attack, nausea...I hate flying. Anouk is the only reason in the world that would put me at ease during a flight. When I flew over to South Africa, even unsure of her feelings, just knowing that I was gonna be close to her made it bearable. Now I feel sick and tired and restless.

I locked myself in the studio as soon as I reached Neverland. It was not a good time to call Nooki, so I started recording something.

“Ta-da-da-dam....you make me shine....more than the stars that twinkle at night....Ta-da-da-dam....you’re my daytime, my nighttime...”

It’s about her. Of course it’s about her. She makes me feel like this, like there is an extra purpose and joy to my life. I decide to call and leave her a voice message at least.

“Hi! Michael?”

“Nooki, it’s 3 a.m. over there. Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“Can’t you hear? Thunderstorm again.”

“Awww, baby! And I’m not there to hold you! Damn, I feel bad about myself.”

“Don’t. Just talk to me...it’s OK, I’m fine.”

“Did you get to listen to the CD’s I left you?” I ask curiously.

“I even followed your instructions.”

I smile. I wrote in each booklet what song to listen when she feels sad, lonely, tired, upset...I wrote to her what song to listen to first on each album. I want her to discover my music in the most personal way ever for me – according to the way I feel about my songs. And she listened to my instructions.

“And? Come on, crush me with your criticism.”

“Michael, I...I understand now the fuss everyone makes about you. I can completely understand why millions of girls are crazy in love with you. I have your music inside me now, it keeps playing even after I turn off the CD player. It speaks to me of so many things which....which I feel, but I find no words to express them. But you gave them a voice now...”

I sniffle as I wipe away some tears. Nobody said anything so beautiful about my music. Not even when I won 8 Grammys for Thriller.

“God, Nooki, you make me miss you so badly!”

“I miss you, too. I feel like when I’m with you, I can tell you everything and you understand... No matter how weird, or complicated it seems, you understand. And I still have so many things to tell you...things which I kept for myself all these years...Like the day when Apartheid finally fell....when everyone was so happy....I was inside my room crying...because Pete never got to see that day. And many others like Pete....we lost so many fathers, brothers, friends....fighting for the most basic human right, to be treated equally and with dignity, no matter what color your skin is...”

“Don’t cry, Nooki, please...don’t cry. I understand. I do, baby. Victory came, but it needed so much sacrifice, that you had to let out the pain, before you could embrace the joy.”

“Exactly. See? Only you can understand me.”

“And only you can understand how frustrated I feel to be away from you. I love you, Nooki, remember this. We are not very much different from each other deep inside, where it matters. We got some scary skeletons in our closets, but together we can exorcise our pain and our past and be strong for the future.”

“You said it. Yeah...it’s like this....the past is a scary place to contemplate and when you have to, it brings chills down your spine.”

“I want you to know that you can trust me...really trust me...I don’t care what else is in your past. I love who you are now and nothing else really matters to me.”