x a n x i e t y • l i l x a n

t h i r t y f i v e

"Selena, come on! I don't understand why you're so upset." I heard Diego say from outside of my door. 

Currently, I was in my room reading a book and listening to music. Diego had been here, I just decided to not talk to him. I was a little hurt because of what he did. I had sex with him because I finally felt comfortable enough, but than he destroyed that by telling every person he knew.

I always thought sex was something where you kept it between you and the person you love. But maybe I'm just old fashioned and that's not how it is nowadays. 

"I found the key to your door, Selena." Diego says, mischievously. 

"Whatever." I quietly say to myself. 

I hear the door open, but I was too busy reading a book and listening to my music to even react. 

"You can't stay mad at me forever, baby girl. I didn't know it was such a big deal to tell everybody." He says innocently. 

I just sit there, ignoring Diego's existence because if I said anything to him I would just end up having a mental breakdown. My mind was somewhere else right now and I wasn't focused on the fact that Diego had fucked up again. This morning when I woke up, I had to pop a xan just so I could get through the day. But he didn't know that and I wasn't planning on telling him. 

"Please fucking talk to me. I'm not some type of invisible person." Diego speaks again, grabbing my hand and kissing it. 

"Fine, I'll talk to you. But only if your apology is genuine this time." I respond, my tears filling up with tears already. 

"My apologies have always been genuine, Sel. I was just happy that you finally let me be so close to you for once.." He says, putting his hand on my face. 

I just smile a little bit. I was always forgiving him so easily, but that was only because I was so madly in love with him and I had been ever since I first met him. 

"Make it up to me?" I ask, pushing his hand away. 

He smiles a little and nods,"Alright, tomorrow." He winks at me and walks out of my room. 

It was already noon and I had plans with Ethan at 2:30 p.m. to go eat and talk. Just as friends of course, and Diego was ok with it. 

______________________________________

2 : 30 p.m. 

I met Ethan at this pizza shop a couple blocks away from my apartment. He had been staying in a hotel instead of at my place for the past couple days. The walk was peaceful and it made me clear my head. 

Once I got to the pizza shop, I saw Ethan right away sitting at a table all the way in the back. 

He nodded towards me basically saying hi. 

I gave him a tight hug when I got to the table,"hey beautiful." He whispered in my ear, kissing me on the cheek. 

I put my purse on the chair as I sat down. 

"So what's up?" I prop my elbows up on the table and smile at him. 

He takes a sip of his Pepsi and shakes his head a little bit. 

"It's nothing serious. I just wanted to see if you're doing ok. I know how sometimes everything you went through Ivan can get overwhelming." The look on his face turns into a serious one. 

"Well, I've been trying my best to be ok. Diego makes me happy and he's someone I probably don't deserve..." I get quiet towards me finishing my sentence. 

I shake my thoughts away and look down at my lap, playing with my fingers. 

"I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you're my only best friend besides V. I finally got to feel what it was like to actually give myself away to someone. It felt good. But than Diego had to go out and ruin it by telling everybody on social media. I honestly think he just wants me for that." I shrug my shoulders. 

Ethan puts his hand on the table, gesturing he wanted to hold mine. 

I put my hand in his,"Look at me." I look into his eyes. 

"He loves you, Selena. Don't worry too much. Now let's get you a drink and some pizza, okay?" He smiles. 

I nod my head in response. 

______________________________________

Ethan ended up walking me home once we were done eating. 

"Thank you, Ethan. I had a good time. Let's do again sometime." I say, grabbing my keys out of my purse. 

"Wait.." He says before I can unlock the door. 

He kisses me on the lips. I tried not kissing back, but something was holding me back from doing that. 

Than I pushed him away. I put my hand over my lips in shock with my mouth wide open. 

"I-I-I'm sorry. I just thought-" Before he could finish, he was interrupted by my apartment door opening and a girl walking out.

______________________________________

Authors note. 

did diego fuck up again??

hmmm.. 

heartbreak soldiers 💔
xanarchy militia 💊